D & C
Sam's POV
By Wanderer (Wandering Smith)
April 2001
Rating: PG-13 (baby swearing) [g] inside-joke
Archive: ask
Summary: Very very short. Sam's thoughts during the retest.
Disclaimer: As it is thought, so let it be as said… You make the toys,
I play with them.
Author's Notes:
Would love some feedback, just remember its a rough. Flames will be
shoved where the sun don't shine and remembered...............
Use of <> indicate unspoken thoughts.
I realized as I watched him attack the control box that there was no
way I could get out. We didn't know how those controls worked and had
no time to find out. I told him to go but he ignored me, started
hammering at the shield. < Dammit Jack, this isn't the time to be
stubborn! >
When he went back to beating at the controls, I yelled at him again to
get out. < Goddammit, I don't want you to die!! > He reared up
yelling "NO", then stood there panting and staring at me.
I saw his eyes widen suddenly and I almost laughed. < For crying out
loud Jack, of all the times to understand something.. I wish you'd go.
I don't want you to die because of me. > I didn't say it; I'm not
supposed to feel this, but God! < I don't want to watch you
die!!>
I saw his lips move, his eyes still fixed on mine. *love?* < I love
you too, Jack. But I want you to live. Please. > The fear and
sadness in his eyes held me captive, I felt the tingle in my fingers as
I unconsciously tried to reach out to him..
As I heard the guards turn the corner, I could see acceptance and panic
vie for supremacy in him. His earlier helpless fury no longer there to
protect him.
As much as I love Dad, right now I hate the Tok'Ra. I watch him go
through those last moments again. I think he hates thinking about it
more then he hates the current situation. And this damn machine still
thinks he's lying. "Sir."
I look at him, trying to let him know its ok, we'll deal with that
later; we gotta get through this right now, no matter what.
As I keep watching, his eyes lock onto mine, tired, sad, lonely. Too
much death and loss, not enough happiness in our lives.
When he says he cares for me, I can't help the jolt of happiness I
feel; even with everything, I still feel a soft smile tugging at my
lips. Even with our audience, with the reasons, with the regulations;
looking every inch my battered, world-weary warrior, Jack O'Neill is
mine. Mine to love and care for. And lean on if I chose, even if it
can't be physically.
The euphoria vanishes far too quickly as Anise pronounces him clear. It
can't go any further than this. Feelings shared because of a Tok'Ra
truth machine; that was all they could have. For now. And friendship,
the chance to work together every day; watch over each other. As long
as we didn't let this ruin us anyway.
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