About white knights

About white knights

Author: wanderingsmith
Mar 2008
Summary: He's not the only one who defended someone's honour...
Spoilers: lets just say anything up to 302:Misbegotten
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this.

AN: not often I actually follow up on story prompts, don't get used to it odakota_rose ;)!

Goto Chapter 2: White knights and dark nights

Chapter one: About white knights

Stephen Caldwell walked into the Atlantis cafeteria, looking for something closer to coffee than his ship could offer. Seeing the city's military commander sitting in a dark corner looking perturbed, he assumed Woolsey had found a new target and decided to see if he could be of service. In this at least, his loyalty was definitely with Sheppard and Weir.

Taking a sip of his drink he came to stand behind the man's chair, somewhat surprised at the lack of reaction he got from the usually alert soldier. "You look disturbed colonel."

Sheppard's head whipped to him in shock, "Sir! Sorry." He started to get up, "Must have been deeper in thought than I usually get."

Stephen waved him back to his seat casually, taking the chair opposite. "Something bothering you?"

He could see the younger man hesitate, see him once again remember to switch to his version of 'good subordinate' mode. Wondering how he'd managed to reach the rank of major with his obvious habit of forgetting how to behave with superior officers. "Off the record, if you'd like, colonel."

"I..." Sheppard shook himself out of the discomfort and sat back down. "Woolsey was... being insulting."

Stephen blinked in mild surprise, "He came after *you*? For some reason I was pretty sure he was only after Dr. Weir this time."

"He was. Questioned every damned decision she's made, as though he had *any* idea what the Hell he was even talking about!" John looked up when Caldwell choked on a sip of coffee. His brows rose when he saw the mad glee rising in the usually stoic man's eyes, for a moment uncomfortably reminded of the goa'uld glow of a few months past.

"You two really are a matched pair, do you know that?"

"Sir?"

---------------------------------------------------

"You defended me in front of a roomful of colonels and general??"

Elizabeth jerked her head away from the water, fingers unconsciously tightening on the balcony railing before she turned, putting it behind her. She frowned at the combination of shock and happiness in John's eyes. "What are you talking about colonel?"

He grinned, slowly stalking up to her, too high from his discovery to listen to his good sense reminding him to keep his distance. "A year ago. You talked the military into making me a colonel. Just so I could stay in charge?" 'So you could keep me'; those words remained unspoken, though they probably shined out of his smirk pretty obviously. "*You* defended *my* honour, Dr. Weir?"

Her refusal to shrink back from him meant there was only an inch of space between them by the time his long arms gripped the railing on either side of her. She could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times they'd been remotely so close without deadly danger surrounding them. Could feel the smell of warm John-skin burrow into her lungs. Had to tighten her hands into hard fists to resist reaching out and pulling him that last little bit closer.

Instead she frowned repressively at him, "You deserved to be colonel. They were being dense. It's my job as your boss to make sure you are rewarded for your hard work and sacrifices." How she managed to pull that out of her hat so quickly and calmly she would never know, but she was rather proud of herself.

When he almost bent down and kissed her for her obvious obfuscating, John realized he was standing far too close for safety and pulled himself back; by almost a whole inch. "Whatever I deserved, those people would never have handed me silver leaves. I always wondered who had made them give." He smiled, "Thank you." He gave a quiet puff of laughter, "I can't remember the last time someone defended me. Let along to such a tough room. Thank you."

By the end, his voice was as soft as the smile in his eyes and Elizabeth couldn't help but return it. The need to touch him almost making her twitch in frustration. "You've done the same for me."

"Woolsey"

She shook her head, interrupting his self-deprecating words, "Not just Woolsey. I remember how you stood up to Everett when he tried to take over. I know you didn't place much value on your career before we met, but... I also know losing Atlantis would bother you as much as it would me. And that's what you risked when you disobeyed him."

They were too close. She could feel his arms tightening on either side of her with the same strained restraint digging her nails into her palms. Fought the tendency of her eyes to slip to his lips, and the too-clearly remembered feel of them. Used her year-old remembered fury to distract her, "You *earned* the post of military commander of Atlantis. And you are the *best* man for the job. I didn't say a word to those men that wasn't true. The fact that I had to threaten them is not a reflection on *you*, but on *them*." His finger coming to rest on her lips silenced her increasingly angry words.

"I believe you." He shrugged, smiling as he finally pulled back, making himself step away, "Doesn't matter anyway. You're right, what I want is on Atlantis, not in a rank. I just... needed to thank you." He grinned teasingly, "And to say that I wish I'd been half as good at defending *your* honour."

AN2: ugh, UST. sorry. I'll try to make it up to you (and myself) somehow ;)

Title: Chapter two: White knights and dark nights
Apr 2008
Summary: A drink on a balcony can go many places

AN: many many thanks to leave_me_light and odakota_rose for playing wall ;)

John watched the sun set over the gently rippling ocean, leaning back on the wall, facing the outside balcony's railing. Enjoying the clean, brisk air after his little trip in the badly-damaged hive ship. Thinking about close calls. And strange relationships.

'John Sheppard! Are you defending my honour?' He had been. Always would, he knew, though he would not have put it that way. He took a small sip from the cup he held. Listening to that ignorant jackass pontify about decisions that he knew had cost Elizabeth pain had just made him so damn furious... And for *anyone* to question his loyalty to her! Damn him!

He made himself think of Caldwell's description of Elizabeth defending him, *him*, instead. Feeling the anger pass on into the past. Smiling dopily at the image of Atlantis' calm, upstanding, serious-minded... beautiful, playful, sexy, caring... leader. Defending *his* trouble-causing ass. He was going to live on that memory for the rest of his life.

'You're just as hopeless. Otherwise you wouldn't have agreed.' Romantic. No. *Definitely* not him. The fact that he couldn't say 'no' to Elizabeth had nothing to do with being a romantic, it had to do with complete inability to resist teasing/ tempting/ caring eyes and grin. And gentle touches that they both *mostly* restrained themselves from sharing.

God help them all if she ever *was* compromised, because it would break him to have to deny her.

'Atlantis, this is Sheppard. Come in!' It was an old military selfishness that allowed him to continue going out, putting himself in harm's way, yet made him fiercely dread any *hint* of threat coming to her. That left her expected to function no matter what happened to him, yet made him willing to destroy Atlantis in revenge for her loss.

Her broken words a few days ago, when they finally managed to be in the same room after her return from Earth, had been a verbal admission that had caught him by surprise. She usually kept her feeling under tight wrap. Well, except for the teasing.

On the other hand, he'd had too many close calls, woken in the infirmary too many times to Elizabeth asleep in a chair nearby, or leaning over him with tired eyes. He knew it hurt her when he went missing, tried to keep the knowledge from crippling him in the field; tried, when he made it home, to tell her silently that he was there for her, that she could lean on him. That he would do his very best to be anything she needed.

This time he took a good swallow of his drink, leaning his head back against the smooth wall, closing his eyes to the beauty before him. Trying not to have the sappy thought that he could bring greater beauty to mind. Smiling ruefully when he heard her very footsteps approaching and hesitate when her eyes found him. She always seemed to find him.

He waved his empty hand lazily, barely lifting it from his bent knee, "It's okay, just enjoying the fresh air."

He felt the warmth of her body settle a few inches away beside him. Without even a word spoken he felt the tension riding his shoulders go down a notch, her silent support a constant he would be hard-pressed to do his job without. To enjoy his every *day* without.

"How did you find out about my involvement in your promotion, anyway?" Her voice was only mildly curious, making conversation.

"Caldwell."

"Ah. Should have thought of that. And why did he suddenly decide to clue you in?"

"Ummmm. I might have expressed... my, 'opinion', of Woolsey's conversation."

Elizabeth choked back a laugh.

"Yeah. He thought it was pretty funny too." He grinned, always glad to be able to tease her, "'Course, he also looked amused when he said you used the **president** and the *IOA* to threaten Landry over *my* serving under you." Now he opened his eyes to see if he could spot a blush in the changing light. Nope. But he could read the shape of a blush in her expression. When their eyes met they both laughed a bit, acknowledging the humour anyone would find in their mutual white knight behaviour, finally going back to watching the sunset through the railing slats.

"You did the right thing, John."

No matter how soft and comforting her voice, he still tensed, losing his smile. Melancholy reminiscing on their relationship was far more to his taste than thinking about yet another ethically painful decision.

"I would have ordered you to do the same. You know, *knew* that."

"Yes." And if he'd thought that she didn't take personal responsibility for his decisions he could have at least been thankful that he was saving her some pain. But Elizabeth would never shrug off something like that.

And so they both sat, absorbing another blow from their work, sharing what strength they could, silently and without touching. Leaders leaning against the structure protecting their people; metaphorically the first line of defense against any attack.

When he took another sip, he felt the shape of her warmth change, guessed her arm was reaching out. Automatically handed her the cup.

When she choked and sputtered he straightened, eyes opening quickly, patting her on the back and taking the drink back with an apologetic grin, "Sorry, should have warned you."

She shook her head, catching her breath with a last cough, "I should have stopped to think when it wasn't warm. May I have that back please?"

He laughed at her eager, if cough-rusty, tone, making a note to sneak her one of Lorne's special bottles of Earth-imported water.

"You're not planning to make a habit of this, are you?"

Her tone was mostly teasing, but he still made sure to look her right in the eye when he replied, "No." He shrugged with a small grin, "First time. Had to make sure it was good stuff."

Her brows flew up, "You mean to tell me it took two years for someone to start smuggling booze in??"

"Err..."

He rolled his eyes when she broke her poker face to laugh, letting him off the hook, "The old stuff was either ridiculously expensive, or worse than rotgut. I don't have enough of a taste for alcohol to bother with either one."

"Ummm." He watched her take another swallow, "This is actually pretty smooth when you don't think it's coffee."

He grinned, seeing the laughter flashing in her eyes, taking his cup back and returning to his position against the wall. Closing his eyes again just so he could concentrate on the rest of his senses. Smell lavender, feel warm body near, hear relaxed breathing. Hear her swallow as they passed the drink back and forth, warm fingers touching briefly. Feel his own body awake and aware as it only was in these quiet moments with her. And a different warmth stealing through his bloodstream from the vodka.

"You were only half right, you know." He was glad his voice was still clear, had an unconcerned thought that the drink was loosening his tongue.

Elizabeth let her head loll toward him, curious.

"The other day, when you said I would miss Atlantis." He rolled his head sideways so he could watch her reaction as he spoke, smiling at how relaxed she was. "You were right that I don't *really* care about rank," he grinned quickly, "Or at least not much." He softened, "But it's not really *Atlantis* I'd miss either."

When she reached out and put her hand on his, he passed the cup to his right and set it down, out of the way, turning his left hand to hold hers against his knee; not quite sober enough to resist twining their fingers together. Looking at her long pale digits held in his rough beaten ones in the last of the setting sunlight. "Just how close were you to not coming home?"

She met his eyes sadly, squeezing his knee as she shrugged, "Close. As close as you."

He nodded, frowning when he saw her shiver. With the awareness of how close he came to losing her, again, so close to mind, and the drink letting him second-guess their established status quo, he slipped his arm around her shoulders, tugging her to rest along his side.

"Colonel!" Elizabeth jerked, the habit from two years of keeping the distance between them beating back the drink muddling her thoughts.

"Shhhhh. You're chilled." He could feel heat coming from her body, but the surface of her shirt was cold, and so were the brief patches of skin he encountered at neck and wrist as he rubbed her arm.

She shuddered, the contrast of his warmth making her feel the change in temperature that had been hiding under her alcoholic flush. As he tightened his grip in response and pulled her even closer, she felt her resistance melt. Warmth, safety, and John's heartbeat reverberating through his ribcage and into her ear. Why was she suppose to fight this again?

Giving in for now, she accepted his offer, cuddling her upper body into him, right arm between them, across her chest, hand on his thigh, her left hand hooking into a button of his shirt. His hand stroking warmth into her back, her head resting just above his heart.

John's head had long since returned to resting back on the wall and he felt Elizabeth finally relax into him.

The drink was making them both drowsy when he heard her speak softly.

"John?" She felt a shiver under her cheek and raised her head, "You're cold too!"

John frowned, annoyed at her moving and with no idea what she was talking about, "No, I'm not."

"You shivered."

"Oh. That."

Elizabeth frowned at his stubbornly closed eyes, fighting his grip to sit up, "What do you mean 'that'?"

He blew out a breath, rolling his eyes under their lids as he pulled her back firmly against him. "'s *nothing*."

"John..." she growled warningly, stopping the imminent tirade when he shivered again. "Oh!"

It was his turn to growl, glad she wasn't looking at him anymore to see him blush, "Yes. Oh. Now will you just settle down. This was supposed to be unwinding time." He waited until she slowly let him hold her again, sad to feel the tension stay with her this time. Oh well, the closeness had been nice while it lasted. He tried to keep the disappointment from his tone, "What were you going to ask?"

When she didn't answer, he squeezed the shoulder under his hand gently, silently apologizing for changing the mood.

He was on the edge of dozing off a few minutes later when he felt one of her hands come back to rest on his chest. He smiled a bit, still drowsing, content with that much returning touch.

There were so many conflicting thoughts and feelings in Elizabeth's mind. If taking care of John hadn't been so instinctive, she would have gotten up by now, escaping the feelings they'd both taught themselves to avoid.

But although her life hadn't been at risk this time, he'd still felt the brush with loss. And she'd feared him dead; again. The Pegasus galaxy had never let them hold to their wishes not to scare each other. Not to scar each other.

Then there was the fact that she couldn't remember ever spending so long so physically close to him. Knew that this memory would make staying away a hundred times harder tomorrow. And the next day. But it was comforting. It'd been a long time since she'd allowed herself to drink so much so quickly, and the comfort had snuck in before she could raise the shield of her independence.

But his reaction was forcing her to face reality, alcoholic haze or no. She was denying them *both*. Was it worth it? Could she possibly feel his loss any *more*, even if they were involved? Her years on Atlantis, and under John's bad influence, had made her willingness to bow to ridiculous rules get very thin, and the IOA already didn't trust her anyway. She really didn't give a damn if anyone complained about where she slept. If there was even a chance that they could continue to function professionally, was it worth the energy they spent staying apart, the strength they couldn't give each other?

Maybe she should have had a drink or two before now; once she allowed herself to think it through, rather than utterly block out the very possibility... And she'd never *really* stopped to factor in John's feelings before either.

She could feel him getting toward sleepy now, feel his arm get heavier around her and his breathing slow. Found her hand inching toward him, automatically seeking his heartbeat. If they could go to sleep this way every day or night, whichever Atlantis allowed them, what better peace might they find for their wounded souls. What strength and clarity of mind to face the next challenges.

She burrowed closer, knowing she was close to a decision. Sliding her fingers idly into the gaps between the buttons in his shirt. Felt him shiver again through his ever-present T-shirt. There was a happy smirk pulling at her lips suddenly. Teasing John had always been a guilty pleasure she only allowed herself because he seemed to enjoy it too. How much more teasing could she get in if they... And 'there', that was it, she had enough! She'd as good as decided that their, or at least *her* reasons for staying apart were rootless. Damned if she'd waste another *minute* of their lives.

John was jostled out of his light sleep when she sat up, grumbling incoherently as he woke, finally whining, "'Lizabeth..."

He opened his eyes as she shifted herself to her knees in the space between his bent legs, not having any time to react further before she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

There was enough drink and sleep in him that he just stared for a second in shock, before his hands slid to her ribs to hold her, touch her. Happy to let her lead him wherever she wished.

Closing his eyes as they kissed, gentle touches that never deepened physically, and yet he could feel himself drowning in her, needing every new taste to stay afloat. Every touch of her lips drawing him to mirror it, drawing him to straighten slowly to follow her own slow rising, trying to get closer. Waking him completely, mind and body. Heart and soul.

His hands drifted up her ribs and slowed, thumbs stroking the rounded softness they encountered, making her shiver as she kissed the side of his nose. He pulled back, grinning teasingly up at her as she tilted her head with a smile. She liked seeing playful John, loved that he played with her, and for her.

"What?"

"I like you way better than Phebus."

She laughed, looked up at the sky as she took an instant to remember exactly what the other woman had done, and then leaned forward again, sliding her hands to just stroke the bottoms of his ears. Opening her lips on his and insistently sliding her tongue right in. Smiling when John groaned and generally responded far more enthusiastically than Thalen had.

She pulled back slightly when his hands slid to her hips and tugged her tight against him. Waggling her eyebrows teasingly, and a little drunkenly, as she gripped his shoulders for balance.

John laughed, enthralled anew with the complex woman who held his heart in her careful hands. "Definitely better."

Elizabeth watched him laugh, determined to make it happen more often, glad to see the cares slip away from him for the time being. Her hands rode up to frame his jaw again, rather enjoying looking 'down' into his smiling face. Feeling drawn to the affection in his eyes, she leaned down with every intention of seeing how long the two of them could stick to innocent kissing.

John laid a gentle finger across her lips before they could make contact and destroy his good intentions. Eyes focused longingly on where his finger was slowly stroking, his voice was soft, "We shouldn't do this now. You might regret it in the morning."

Her lips stretched into a lazy grin, "Defending my honour again, John?"

Snorting a quick laugh, he changed his grip on her, carefully rearranging her cooperative body to sit across his thighs, head on his shoulder. Snagging his cup again, he passed it to her, "If you're still sure tomorrow..."

Elizabeth took the offered drink, raising a brow at his unfinished statement and the promise in his darkening eyes, "If I'm sure?..."

The sinful smirk that crossed his face left her with no doubt as to what he was thinking about. And convinced her that she was sleeping in his quarters so morning would come all the faster. Even if she had to pull out her negotiating skills to get there once they finished the few swallows of liquor left.

AN: anuna_81 and Rising brought the booze ;)

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