Let me touch you for a while
Author: wanderingsmith
nov 2, 2014
Summary: I can't do this anymore,' he
thought to himself, slightly surprised.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd
be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought,
so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with
'em..
AN: This was one of those single image
ideas... that maybe should have been left on the
drawing board?
Christmas had shown up at their little get-together with
a couple bottles of some weirdass herby Swiss booze. It
tasted weird, but it did leave a body relaxed. Which
from anyone else, Barney would have been wary of. But
Lee was one of a tiny number of people he could never
make himself doubt.
The day Lee turned on him was the day it didn't matter
if he died. It wasn't born out of the booze: he knew
damn well that truth was almost as old as their
friendship; but actually thinking it out.. that was new.
Staring at Lee when he grinned wasn't new, though he
knew he usually tried to be unobtrusive about it. But
tonight... tonight he couldn't do anything but stare.
He remembered seeing Lee the first time, sitting alone
in that dive in some hick bayou roadstop more dangerous
than a lot of Calcutta holes. He'd looked like the ghost
of Christmas future. Death looking for its hoe. But
there had been something in him that had called to
Barney, burned out by betrayal and too many Lone Ranger
jobs.
What the hell had possessed him to buy the man a drink,
he still didn't know. But he'd never been able to look
back.
Lee Christmas might have been suicidal that night, but
by the time they'd geared-up and flown off together for
Beirut a week later, death had somehow turned into a
smile that changed his face from the kind of chameleon
that spelled soul-death when the military or other
security agencies got a hold of it, to the kind of
beauty that no one with even a hint of a soul left could
resist. And it turned out Barney Ross still had
something in him that could latch onto that.
And never let go.
No matter how hard he tried.
Half a handful of times over the last 15 years, he'd
gotten scared by some premonition of coming hell enough
to want to keep the man away. He'd never managed it; Lee
had turned out to be a stubborn and sneaky enough son of
a bitch to withstand Barney's temper and keep
reappearing just in time when Barney pushed him out.
Lee should definitely be used to his eyes on him. But
this time he turned from whatever it was Toll had been
saying that entertained him so much, and caught Barney's
eyes. And the wide grin softened just a touch. Maybe
even not at all; maybe it was just the eyes that
changed. That sent him a thousand memories in one blink.
That accepted his choices but still offered everything.
'I can't do this anymore,' he thought to himself,
slightly surprised.
Couldn't just accept Lee's continued life and occasional
grins as his reason to live. He needed to know Lee was
happy. Was.. wanted to live. That death had NO hold on
him.
That his choosing to attach himself to Barney hadn't
led, yet, to more darkness in his soul than he could
bear.
He needed... Lee to actually know at least one person in
this world needed him alive and well. *Needed* *him*.
He was moving toward Lee before any other thought could
appear. It couldn't be more than 10 steps from his bike
to the section of wall Lee and Toll and Caesar had ended
up clustered at for some reason. It still felt like
walking across the Gobi, an oasis full of the promise of
life in the distance.
It was good to relax without some recent shit needing to
be forgotten, or some coming shit to prepare for. Good
to hang out, as easy as any of them got, enjoy the
reality-hazing of some illegal booze, and chill with the
people who understood you.
Coming across absinthe in one of the little shops of
rare crap he sometimes found himself haunting when
downtime lasted too long, Lee had been glad for the
excuse to get the guys together. He knew he wasn't the
only one whose life 'between' was something to get the
fuck away from ASAP.
Including the brooding man he was always too aware of.
Barney was too quiet, too distant. With sustained
effort, Lee could make him include him in his thoughts,
make him share at least a chunk of his load; and in
turn, Lee was glad to have the recipient for his focus,
could kick the demons into submission while he was
needed.
And if he sometimes wondered what he'd do the day Barney
didn't give in when they forced themselves back in his
life after he chased them out, well, it was mostly an
idle question. He knew the answer perfectly well.
But tonight was not that night, for all that Barney was
in a particularly loner mood. He wasn't ignoring them,
just.. quiet. And then Lee could feel him staring and he
automatically turned to check on him.
..Sometimes, it was all Lee could do to stop himself
from reading too much into Barney's fond looks. To stop
the thousand and one moments they'd spent together,
touches, teases, and, maybe more than all, the silences
that were the opposite of the sound of his empty room,
from making him wake from sleep with the certainty that
he was supposed to be curled around Barney.
This time, he was distracted by the strange look of
faint surprise that crossed Barney's face, only to be
followed with the man abandoning his lonely perch and
walking toward him.
Lee turned fully and took a step away from the guys'
conversation to wait for him, somewhere between curious
and concerned at the oddly peaceful look. When Barney
stepped right up in his space, he was slightly
surprised, though not much. But then that fairly normal
proximity changed to hands reaching for his head and
Lee's brows raised.
Soft lips on his made him blink in shock; but then he
snapped to the reality and parted his lips to let in the
tongue taking lazy licks at his mouth.
There was no wild hunger, no feeling of need to insist
on dominance, or even passion; only relaxed affection,
as though they'd always expressed their feelings this
way. Lee slid his hands into Barney's hair and settled
in to return the serious but undemanding touch of lips
and tongue.
He'd never thought to have this. Not outside daydreams.
But Barney had seemed too peaceful all night to worry
about the why. He would take the gift of more time with
him. More chances to care for him. More.. of *this*.
When Barney slowly pulled a few inches back from the
kiss after a minute, Lee stared at him a bit, licking
his lips and allowing himself the pleasure of seeing
slitted dark eyes follow the movement. Only marginally
aware of the silence around them.
When Barney stayed quiet and still, Lee finally asked,
soft but serious, "How drunk are you?" He didn't think
it could be all that much, not unless Barney had been
sneaking a heck of a lot of others drinks, and was
hiding it well, but safer to ask.
Barney's response was a shrug and more of his quiet
staring. From up close, Lee was glad to see there was no
desperate 'could be the last time' to it, instead just..
some yearning that looked... old. An old prisoner
escaped from shackles, and Lee silently cheered; burying
under relief and pleasure his own faint disbelief at
this new world offered to him on a platter.
"Maybe some."
Lee nodded a couple distracted times at that, but could
see his eyes were clear enough of alcohol's grip. He
smiled a bit, relishing the peace settling on Barney
with every second they stood here. Then he stepped
forward, pushing him back.
Barney blinked a bit to find himself forced to move, but
he was used to responding to Lee's moves, including
entirely unexpected ones when things went to shit in the
field. So he backed up calmly enough, trusting Lee to
guide him clear of anything, leaving his concentration
on the touch of Lee's callouses catching in his hair, on
the expression of almost-glee on his face. *He*'d put
that there! Why had he waited so long??
Lee kept pushing him until his back gently encountered a
wall. And then leaned in and kissed *him*, just as slow
and unhurried as Barney had done.
Both entirely ignoring the rising sound of cheers,
though Barney's eyes had enough of a slit to see the
gang giving them approving looks over Lee's shoulder.
They all turned away to raise their glasses before his
eyes dropped closed all the way as Lee shifted his lips,
dragging their heat and dampness in a slow stroke toward
his cheek.
Dismissing everything but Lee, here, now, Barney's hands
dropped and caught loose grips in the crisp cotton over
his ribs, letting his head roll to the side in offering.
There was enough alcohol in his blood to shut up his
time-sense, and absolutely no inclination in his mind to
interrupt the completely unexpected tenderness.
He'd never had anyone do such a thing to him. Was used
to showing his appreciation for his partner's beauty;
had, on occasion, had partners interested enough to
spend some time giving his ego a boost over his muscles.
But damned if he'd ever had someone seem to lose
themselves in his 'looks'.. in *him*.
He smiled a bit when he felt that bottom lip catching on
some missed stubble in front of his ear, soft, wet flesh
behind that lip rolling onto unexpectedly sensitive
skin. Even lost in the sensual haze, *that* registered,
and so did the hands in his hair tilting his jaw down,
and the careful, dry pass over his eyelids.
So did the puff of air on his forehead from a whisper.
"You still awake?"
It took a few second for Barney to get his sluggish
muscles to respond, but he finally got his hands to let
go of shirt material and drop to Lee's hips, tugging
gently until the small space between them was gone.
"Awake." Contrary to the few daydreams he'd allowed
himself of their coming together, neither of them was
physically aroused, but the closeness was too good to
care.
Lee's chest shook in a silent chuckle against him, his
lips tracing the old breaks misaligning Barney's nose,
"You want to go home?"
The image that came to mind wasn't from his house, let
along Lee's usual motel rooms. Neither of those
utilitarian places would ever bother with a large
four-poster bed, let along the kind of interior
decorating that led to flowy white canopies like they
used in well-off Caribbean islands. Where spending the
day rolling in bed was practically *expected*.
Lips twisting at the foolish thought, Barney opened his
eyes, meeting Lee's just as lazy ones, "Need to wake up
before I try to drive."
Lee grinned, "You can ride with me."
Snorting at the picture, Barney countered, "Or you can
drive the truck."
Lee pouted sadly, "I suppose that'd work too."
No more able to resist the man than he ever had been,
Barney laughed at the posturing and leaned his head
forward to whisper in his ear, "Have I ever told you how
sexy watching you manoeuvre a vehicle is?"
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