Morons need friends
Author: wanderingsmith
Started nov 24, 2014 - latest update jan
19, 2015 -
Summary: "I hate to sound like a chick, but
what are you apologizing for?"
Frowning to himself, Barney was glad *he* was used
to interpreting every inflection of Lee's voice over
radio or while unable to look away from a target. He
knew that wasn't sarcasm. Knew it wasn't an
implication that he didn't *need* to apologize.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd
be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought,
so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with
'em..
AN: So I was happily (well. maybe not
*happily*, because Lee was once again trying to deal
with hte fact that his friend-cum-boyfriend is a
fucking idiot and so he's kinda mopey...) moving a
sequel to That explains much along, and then THIS
just up and took over the data stream. How rude, no?
WARNING!!
unless **someone** gets his head on straight (or
punched straight).. this is currently sitting as
UST. and I can make no promise of it getting into a
better state of mind
Goto Chapter 2
Goto Chapter 3
Goto Chapter 4
Goto Chapter 5
Goto Chapter 6
Chapter
one
nov
24, 2014
Drummer had dumped Trench and Yang with Barney, making
the invaders of yet another of the Agency's safe
houses a dirty dozen. A dozen too many loud, rowdy,
hyper idiots for the two showers and the small rooms.
Last to step into the main room after having gotten
rid of most of his field-gear, it didn't take Barney
long to glance over the chaos and know his target was
elsewhere.
Before he resorted to hoping a radio call would
actually be answered, he noticed the rickety stairs
upward and made his way to the roof, leaving the crew
to sort themselves out like the adults they were
supposed to be. After everything, if they still had
the energy for a knock 'em down drag 'em out fight, he
really didn't give a shit if they thrashed the place.
Seeing Lee sitting hunched-over, elbows on his knees,
on one of the roof's crumbling stone chimneys, looking
even grimmer than he had on the way to the compound,
Barney's jaw clenched and he made himself walk over.
He'd tried to tell himself everything was fine once
Christmas had forced his way back besides him, but
every time he turned to him...
There was fear riding inside him; acid in his gut.
Different fear than the nightmare of Lee taking the
fall for Barney's losing his head when he saw
Stonebanks.
*He'd* been the one to send *Lee* away; but he knew,
now, he'd only managed it because he didn't intend to
survive. He'd closed himself to everything real and
focused on the goal; and even if he did have a will to
live... it was only as strong as getting the job done.
Now... If he lost Lee. If he'd *already* lost him...
He just didn't know how to fix what he'd done to them.
He stood over him for a minute; every second that Lee
ignored him, or was so deep in his thoughts as to not
see him, making his gut shiver harder. Lee's body
language was about as closed and don't touch me as it
got, and Barney had a bad feeling if he so much as
laid a finger on those tight shoulders, he'd unleash a
screaming fury. But he couldn't just... He looked down
and was moving before he could think twice, dropping
awkwardly, trying to ignore the agony of new bruises
on top of old, to sit on the roof's worn cement, back
resting against Lee's legs.
"The hell!" The jerk in Lee's body and shock in his
voice at least took away the grim thought that Lee had
been *deliberately* ignoring him. "Barney?"
The hint of actual worry in the voice and the hesitant
hand coming to sit on his shoulder even gave him a bit
of hope and he found his voice. Even found a word to
say, seeing as last time it got him pulled up onto a
chopper. "I'm sorry."
Lee's responding silence felt heavy. Thick with the
hurt that Barney kept seeing dulling his eyes whenever
the sullen anger wasn't strong enough to hide it.
"I hate to sound like a chick, but what are you
apologizing for?"
Frowning to himself, Barney was glad *he* was used to
interpreting every inflection of Lee's voice over
radio or while unable to look away from a target. He
knew that wasn't sarcasm. Knew it wasn't an
implication that he didn't *need* to apologize.
He still opened his mouth with a smartass response on
his tongue, but then grimaced and shut up. He couldn't
afford it. His chances of not losing this fight were
already too faint.
He could do flat truth... For Lee, he could; *would*
dig through the muck in his soul and find truth. He
let his head tilt back, tensed in expectation of being
shoved off from the extra proximity, but Lee didn't
move. Just sat, still and waiting. Now or never, Ross;
most likely *literally*. "For hurting you."
He felt some tension let go from the legs at his back,
heard a breath that sounded like a sigh, "D'you even
know *why*.."
Barney frowned, trying to guess what the rest of that
question was, but coming up empty. When Lee didn't
find the words for it either, Barney's fist twitched,
knowing he wasn't nearly safe. "I know... I know you
wanted to help-" The hand on his shoulder tightened
and he quieted.
"I wanted to avenge my friend and keep another alive,
you dumbass."
There was no heat to the tired words, and Barney took
a calming breath to reply in kind. "*I* wanted to keep
*you* alive.. And the guys."
"Yeah, but *I* wouldn't have done it by stopping you
doing what you need, what you love." Barney had to
stiffen himself against the claw suddenly digging into
his shoulder as Lee's voice lost its grip on calm,
knowing he deserved the pain, "What would you do to
me, Barney, if *I* took off alone on some suicidal
revenge mission? If some fucker from my black past
showed up and fucking knifed you to make me suffer for
whatever shit I did to them and I took off after them
without letting any of you back me up??"
Somewhere between terror at the vision of Lee doing
such a damn fool thing, and worry that the anger
snarling in Lee's rough voice would send his old
friend to his feet, Barney's hands had grabbed for the
booted ankles at his back and he was tensed, feeling
danger crawling around them. Truth. It was all he had.
"I'd- scream at you for half a day. And not let you
out of my sight for a month."
He heard how long Lee caught his breath for; and then
he just seemed to collapse, both arms sliding to
Barney's chest, much to his shock, and Lee's head
pressing to the top of his; and it was Barney's turn
to freeze.
"Yeah," Lee finally huffed, face rubbing at Barney's
filth-embedded hair, "Alright. I guess we can do
that."
Barney breathed light and quick as he tried to
decipher if that was a good thing, and one of Lee's
hands patted his chest as though to reassure a child,
"Settle down. I'm too beat to scream at you right now.
And your kids would be a little unsettled, I think.
Just don't try to get out of my sight."
...Fuck. Barney's eyes were wide, he knew that. But he
couldn't see shit. That.. that sounded like.. "*Our*
kids?" he tensed even as he said it -*wheedled* it!-,
mentally yelling at himself for pushing just when he
was just starting to fucking see safety!
There was silence for several heartbeats too long, but
then Lee sighed, the air blowing across Barney's
forehead, "Why'd you have to be such a fucking idiot
Barney? I'm too old to deal with dumbass pups again.
You're already a strain on my temper."
The whine in the nagging tone was so perfectly
familiar that Barney's tension collapsed, hands
letting go their desperate grip, back muscles letting
go to mold to their bumpy rest, head dropping back and
only held up by Lee's pressing on it. Thank fucking
God! Please. Please make this stick. Don't fucking let
him fuck this up again!
"Easy, Barney," the hand patted some more, and this
time Barney reached a hand of his own up and covered
it, breathing deep. He had his world back.
Toll had called as soon as they'd got in this place
and gotten an update on Caesar, and he was finally in
the clear. Going to be fine. His team, all nine
maniacs, were going to be fine.
And Lee. Lee was giving him another chance. Ten
maniacs.
Then Lee shifted, and suddenly his breath was on
Barney's ear, his voice a diamond-hard whisper,
"Understand this, Barney. If you'd managed to get
yourself killed? I'd have called in every fucking
favour I have owed to me and hunted that fucking
bastard down, alone; and *believe* me, I'd have gotten
him if it took my LAST.DROP.of.BLOOD. But if I
survived?" Barney's steely grip on Lee's hand had to
be hurting the man, but it was entirely different pain
that poured into his voice, now, etching the diamond
off, "I'd have ended up a washed up drunk in some
dive, just waiting to die so I could track you down
and spend eternity handing you your ass in Hades!
Think about *that*, the next time you try to
**protect** me!"
AN:
There IS at least *some* more written. just..
tweaking it
Chapter
two
Barney wasn't sure how long they sat in silence while
his imagination buried him in visions of screaming hell.
And this time Lee didn't try to calm him as his pulse
rattled. Just sat and held him as the heat-less sun went
down and the air chilled.
And Barney scrambled for a plan. If he'd been a
different man, he'd have *wished* that Lee would change;
but he wasn't. Had no faith, no willingness to let it
ride and just wait. He needed to know what he was doing,
had to be doing something to be in control. Or convince
himself he controlled. At least a part of it.
Except there was no fix, nothing he could do. He
couldn't stop Lee doing what he chose. Not once he was
dead. This was one of those orders the brit *wouldn't*
obey. There was no way to keep him safe! Fuckfuckfuck.
THIS was why he didn't let people in, dammit!
He didn't notice when he started shivering. Not until
Lee tightened his hold before grunting softly, "Come on.
We both stink and you're freezing. If they haven't all
had their turn yet, we're pulling rank."
Barney was too deep in his own head to react fast
enough, and he felt Lee's arms slide under his, bringing
him up when Lee rose behind him.
His stiffened limbs would still have dropped him if the
man hadn't known him and automatically pulled Barney's
arm around his shoulders, muttering to himself,
"Shouldn't have let you sit there so long."
Barney's arm tightened without a word of complaint. At
least he still had this. No matter how angry, Lee still
stood with him. Still felt their connection enough to be
in the right place, moving the right way; the knife
guarding his back, the voice anchoring his thoughts. As
long as he had that, Barney had no hesitations to
begging his way back into Lee's trust by whatever means
were necessary. And once he had it back...
Lee knew him too well, he thought as they slowly
stumbled across the now-dark rubble-strewn roof; that
scenario he'd planted would never leave Barney's dreams.
There wouldn't be a day he wouldn't know what he was
doing if he pushed Lee away again. Easier to kill the
man with his own hands than to think of leaving him to
such a fate.
When they got to the stairwell, Lee gave him a measuring
once-over and Barney's lips tightened, even if he kept
his mouth shut. Over-protective Lee meant Lee cared; his
damn pride knew better than to think it got precedence
over that friendship. A thousand times more so today.
"I guess you're steady enough not to make you hang on to
my shoulders. But you *are* sticking close behind me."
And Barney never *could* help smiling at the man,
nagging and bitching and bossing and all; his world, odd
though some people would think it. Alive and healthy and
at his side. "Yes, boss."
The flicker of eyes toward his was close enough to the
old smirk to survive on. It had to be.
The house was shockingly quiet compared to earlier, and
the two of them stared in exasperation at the people
sitting in clusters along the main room's walls, in
quiet conversation with mostly-empty pizza boxes
scattered around them, like they were civilized people;
as though they weren't the same bunch of rowdy maniacs
that had threatened to smash the walls when they'd
shoved their way in.
Doc was the first to spot them and gave them one of his
mock-serious frown, "You don't look like you've near
made up enough for all that time."
Barney had his hand on the back of Lee's neck before he
even thought, fingers squeezing warning while his thumb
stroked apology, grumbling warning at the now leering
man, "Cut it out, Doc."
He'd forgotten how the old Expendable always tried to
rile people. Not a good mix with Lee's raw temper.
Running a fast glance over the rest of the crew, he was
glad most just nodded greeting with variations of tired;
even Trench, for some reason. When he got back to Doc,
he finally got a shrug and grimace of apology and nodded
back to accept before tugging at Lee to drag him across
the room toward the doorway to the showers.
"Is he *always* like that?"
Barney grimaced at the low-voiced grump, reminded of his
own thoughts, "Yeah. He always was."
"Great. Just fucking great."
He hadn't realized he'd kept his hold on Lee's neck
until he felt him hunch with the annoyed mutter. Hadn't
realized how starved he'd gotten for familiar, trusted
touch in just a few weeks essentially alone. He pulled
the man to a stop and turned him, meeting eyes that were
worn down and defencive instead of their usual bright
challenge and sarcastic cheer, and Barney knew it was
all his fucking fault. But he still had him. And he was
NOT letting him go. And not letting him *think* that
Barney would let him go again.
Hand still on Lee's nape, he pulled gently until their
foreheads just touched; grime, dust, grease and the edge
of Lee's beret and it felt weird as shit to be *that*
close to someone, even Lee, but he needed something to
cut through at least some of the muck around them. Way
too much fucking bad distance around them for the
threads of his sanity. "No one is going to change your
place in my life, Christmas. I need you *more* than my
*actual* fucking right hand; and you know that. Just..
let them stumble around you until they settle in. It's
not the first time." There *had* been some testy
characters they'd hired on over the years. Even ones
that thought they could shove their way into Lee's
place. It *wasn't* the first time.
"Not the same."
Barney shrugged, unable to deny that Doc was a slightly
different situation, "Not that far from it. We both know
you can hold your own. Hell, you deal with Gunner good."
And not many had managed that over the years.
Lee huffed, their unaccustomed closeness sending the air
playing on Barney's lips, "Gunner doesn't try to get
between us."
Barney's hand tightened, a growl sneaking into his
voice, "*No one* can do that." Not unless Lee put them
there, anyway; his shoulders twitched, reminding himself
she was fucking gone and he'd repeatedly told himself to
let it fucking go!
A cleared throat nearby made them both jump and spin;
the shock so soon after a fight sending Lee after his
knives and Barney his guns... only to stand side by
side, wide-eyed.. still in the main room. With entirely
too many mercenaries staring at them in bemusement.
"You should, perhaps, wait to be in the next room to
continue your conversation?"
"That's not a 'perhaps', Galgo." Toll was giving them
both dry looks from his spot between Galgo and Yang, "We
all want you two made up, boss, but we don't really need
to see or hear the details. Just makes it harder to obey
orders."
Lee choked before Barney could open his mouth, "I don't
remember any of you obeying easily *before*!"
Hearing the laughter in the words was enough to relax
Barney, and he actually smiled to himself as he calmly
put his guns away while the crew threw laughing insults,
and bits of crust, at Lee. And Lee *returned them*.
Barney's loud-mouthed, stubborn, smartassed sod of a
right-hand was back, at least enough to deal with the
maniacs.
A calloused palm landing on *his* nape and tugging him
away from the hecklers was a bit of a shock, though.
"Come on Zero, before our *obedient* flock runs out of
dry bits and start throwing messy shit."
The warmth at his back was familiar enough to make up
for the unfamiliar grip, and Barney let himself be
escorted out. Though he did have to tease his 'guard'
for the name he'd *known* he'd end up with sooner or
later when Lee caught him smiling at some weirdass
cartoon argument between Gunner and Caesar. "Admit it,
Christmas. You *would* break me out."
"No." Lee let him go once they were in the common change
room, closing the door behind them before nailing Barney
with a fierce look, "They won't get you alive in the
first place."
And Barney wondered, staring at the man stripping off
field-gear in an obviously memorized pattern, if Lee'd
always been that protective. Or if Barney was about to
learn what it felt like to have a bodyguard.
He shrugged to himself as he turned away to work at his
own buckles and zippers; it didn't really matter. If the
alternative was to not have Lee, he'd learn to work with
him tagging Barney's elbows.
AN:
...I only found vague online references for an
explanation of 'Zero' in the context Lee used it.
Does anyone know a real one? Real explanation for
the implications of calling barney Zero?
ETA: or is the 's' sound from 'thanks' and the name
'Hero'? um. can't decide. sticking to my version of
Zero until further arguments are presented...
Chapter
three
Feeling almost human, if a beat up human, Barney shook
his head to get some of the water out and stepped out of
the shower wiping a hand to clear his eyes, careful of
the already-wet floor. And then raised his head to look
around for something to dry off with; his filthy gear
was going to be bad enough without trying to skin into
it wet.
The first thing he saw was one of Lee's quiet smiles,
and he felt his shoulders relax with a moment of ease.
The second thing he saw was the towel he'd obviously
just finished using and was holding out, "Here. Someone
must have fought off the horde to keep one unused for
us."
Taking the old, but dry enough to be usable, cloth
gratefully, Barney started on his back, absently
checking what injuries Lee'd picked aside from bruises
through his gear. "Better than setting up camp in the
woods." Bad bruises, though, even if those muscles of
his hopefully took the brunt. When they got to some real
medical supplies...
In the middle of crouching down for his vest with a
silent grimace of disgust, Lee's answering snort was
smeary, "Fuck, yeah. Or better yet, spend the night on
the run."
The idea didn't bear thinking. Barney grunted as he bent
to reach his pants. No, he definitely didn't want to
contemplate a night-long run; didn't even really want to
contemplate laying down, dammit!
"Hold it."
About to pull his underwear on, Barney raised a brow at
the order, turning his head to send the smirk where it
was deserved.
Lee had his medkit out of his vest and open on the
floor, answering the question without needing it spoken,
not even looking up to know the question was being
asked, "You need some first aid before you transfer the
shit from your clothes into those open cuts again."
Opening his mouth to dismiss the words, Barney froze at
the glare Lee threw him as he rose. Then again, maybe
he'd let the brit baby him, if that somehow helped to
make up for his being an idiot.
Wasn't the first time he'd stood still and kept himself
from flinching as Lee worked him over with disinfectant
and tape. Though usually Lee was dressed and Barney was
at least half-dressed. But the change-room was warm
enough from the steam of miraculously hot showers, and
if Lee's low-voiced snarls were anything to go by, it
was just possible he'd picked up more damage than he'd
thought, which might explain how little distracting
'interest' he was having to try to suppress.
He was just grateful Lee's touch was still as gentle as
it could be; Gunner's first aid tended to be worse than
most wounds. And though Toll and Caesar were careful,
they were also uncomfortable, and tended to shake enough
for it to be less than pleasant. Fine if you're bleeding
to death, but definitely not worth it for scratches,
even bleeders.
"You have a fucking *knack* for pissing people off, you
know that?"
Barney grunted at the unhappy whine. "Stonebanks was a
fucking bastard, he can eat my shit."
Lee huffed behind him as he grabbed one shoulder with a
warningly solid grip before he laid his disinfectant on
Barney's opposite side, down low on his hip; and Barney
just about shouted at the fucking *nasty* sting!
"Sorry. I don't suppose you'd let your medical genius
put a couple stitches in?"
"HELL no." Though he had to admit, that suddenly felt
*damn* deep. But if it had rode along fine this long, it
sure as fuck didn't *need* stitches.
"I'm bandaging it. Especially with your waistband right
there to rubs shit in."
Just as well he didn't see Barney's flinch at the
thought.
"Alright. That was the worst of them. Let me bandage
your hip and we can both wrestle with our clothes."
Once Lee'd butterflied the bleeders and padded the slice
that must have got between his pants and vest, Barney
gripped Lee's shoulder before he could take the kit
away, "Your turn, Christmas." He raised a brow when the
stubborn bastard actually opened his mouth to argue and
the man seemed to get the message. Barney'd agreed to
let him do his job; NOT to let him be any more of an
idiot than it looked like he was going to allow Barney
to be.
"It's just bruises-"
"Most are, yeah. This," he touched disinfectant to a
section of raw skin up on Lee's shoulder blade, other
hand back on Lee's nape, ready for his violent jerk, "Is
open skin."
"Shit!" Lee turned a glare on him. "You enjoyed that!"
Barney looked away from the knowing look with a smirk,
leaning down to check the depth of a cut low on his
back. "Just returning the fav- fuck!"
Barney's side picked that moment to throw a surprise
spasm into his hip and he couldn't help the leg from
dropping for a second, making his hand fly out for
support as he caught his breath.
"I'd remember groping your ass." Lee's hands appearing
on his shoulders to pull him up bellied the accusation
and Barney didn't bother apologizing. "Come on, against
the wall. Let me have a look."
There was cold tile at his back before he could think of
trying to argue. Though he didn't think he would have
anyway. Not once he'd seen the look on Lee's face. "I'm
alright, Lee." He laid an un-restraining hand on the
brit's shoulder as the man carefully took off the
bandage he'd only just put on Barney's side. "I just
leaned the wrong way. You know how sore even simple cuts
can get inside."
"Yeah yeah. Stand still. If you won't have stitches I'm
butterflying it under the bandage. And I better not
catch you trying to lift anything heavier than a
rocket-launcher for the next few days."
Barney snorted, but he could feel a shake in Lee's
shoulder and he resisted commenting. He didn't like not
pulling his weight but, hell, if it'd help settle Lee...
he'd clench his teeth and let someone else load up; they
had enough people. He might just deliberately make
Christmas stand idly on the sideline *with* him though.
He hissed as Lee massaged the surrounding muscles out of
their freeze. He knew he needed it. He *did*. But he
still flinched back as unpleasant bruises got skilled
thumbs pressed into them.
"I'll be good if you let me finish your back without
argument-" he raised his other hand, palm out to stop
Lee interrupting when he jerked his head up with a
glare, and sped his words up, "I'll be careful how I
move!"
He waited until the man was satisfied and straightened
to raise a brow and add mildly, "And I did not *grope*."
Finally seeing Lee's wide grin, even if only for a
second, was damn good reward for taking the babying with
grace.
When they finally got dressed and stepped back into the
room, half the team was already asleep. They managed to
find a few slices of pizza, and then Lee cleared the
empty boxes out of the room, glaring at Barney when he
went to bend over to help, and then they found
themselves a spot on the floor to sleep. And if Lee
glared at him, again, until he got on his good side so
Lee could snug his back to Barney's, it wasn't the first
time, and the warmth *did* make it easier to sleep on
hard ground; he hardly cared if Trench, or any of the
other newcomers, thought it was worth smirking about. He
still had Lee and he'd get some half-decent rest
tonight. And he had the time to work on getting his
friend's real forgiveness.
AN:
Can't find the exact article I read at the time, but
my memory has putting rocket-launchers around 50lb,
as reference.
Chapter
four
AN: And not let you out of my sight for a month.
I don't usually do New Year's resolutions, not how
my head works. But. Having recently come across a
fic that was SO close to being done.. and yet having
been left to languish... I'm going to TRY (Ha!. Hear
my cynicism) 'Finish and POST stories when they are
99% done. Stop staring at them and waiting for them
to get better...'
so. here goes.
Once home though, he had to admit even he was a little
surprised when Lee followed him to the truck after
everyone dispersed to the collection of bikes and other
vehicles that had accumulated around his hangar.
"Christmas?"
Slamming the passenger door behind himself, Lee gave him
a hard stare, "I wasn't kidding about not letting you
out of my sight."
Turning the key, Barney firmly ignored the way Lee's
continued presence made going home suddenly a lot less
depressing, and automatically argued instead, "For one
thing, there's no reason for me to go off anywhere,
Christmas. And for another, I still don't have a spare
bed."
"Your couch is longer and harder than Toll's."
Barney choked, for a second unable to resist a childish
smirk. And Lee smirked *back*! Barney got his eyes back
on the road, but kept his grin at the byplay, "And *why*
are you sleeping on Toll's... couch?"
He saw Lee shrug out the corner of his eye, glancing in
time to see him losing his grin, "Never got around to
finding a new place after.. Billy. And got booted from
the last motel. With Caesar still in hospital, Toll
needed the company as much as I did, by then." Barney's
shoulders tensed at that, hearing the silent accusation.
"None of us do too well alone, Barney."
--
He didn't usually fool himself. But sometimes..
sometimes he forgot just how bad he was at having
heart-to-heart conversations. The fact that he usually
found a way not to have to use the skill probably had
something to do with it.
He had no idea how to get Lee to trust him again.
They got on well enough. He might be used to being alone
at home, but he was also used to Lee ghosting him in all
kinds of environments during jobs. It wasn't remotely
jarring to have him silently at his back while getting
groceries. Wasn't the first time the less than settled
man had crashed on his couch for a few nights between
accommodations, wasn't the first time they'd shared a
bathroom.
It was jarring that Lee didn't tease, and barely even
talked as they went through their days getting the plane
ready for the next run, doing paperwork, and working the
half-dozen refurb projects Barney had had going before
everything went to hell.
In the middle of the second shopping, he realized he'd
never asked his 'guest' if he wanted anything; *that*
idea was pretty jarring.
Lee *could* get his own... The old Lee would have just
thrown it in the cart and smirked a challenge at Barney
to comment.
The nightmares of watching, helpless, as Lee killed
himself going after Stonebanks, or wandered, lost,
though a hazy world of booze and violence, left him
hurting and twitchy as he made himself turn to his
silent shadow. For a second he let himself be distracted
wondering what the fuck people thought when they saw
them. Lee wasn't *dressed* as your stereotypical
bodyguard, even if he was sure moving the damned moves.
But he'd never cared what strangers thought outside of
what was necessary to do his job. He met Lee's curious
gaze with what he was aiming to be casual but earnest,
doubting he could really hide much of anything from his
old friend; he'd tried enough in the past, for a dozen
reasons he wouldn't want to try to defend, now. "If
you're really planning to stick around for a month, you
want something, just let me know or throw it in the
cart, right?"
Lee's stiff public mask faded into a ghost of a smile,
much to Barney's relief, "I'm staying until you convince
me you're never again pulling idiot shit like you've
started doing the last few years," he shrugged, "I'm not
fussy about food."
Breathing out the rattle of his pulse at knowing he had
whatever time he needed to find words or actions to fix
them, Barney frowned, "Who said fussy? This isn't a job;
you don't have to eat what you're given. There's room in
the bloody cupboards for whatever you usually keep when
you're home."
The faint confusion the idea seemed to cause hurt Barney
to see, but he'd never managed, unsurprisingly, to get
the man to talk about why he kept moving, mostly from
motel to motel. He'd made guesses over the years, but
none of them made it easier to watch the man wander. All
he could do had been to keep offering an ear to listen
and a place for him to crash when he needed.
And room in his cupboards for whatever Lee was
interested in as he finally seemed to pay attention to
the shelves.
He wasn't really surprised that everything he grabbed
turned out to be more of the junk food he'd been known
to show up at the hangar with on early mornings. He was
more surprised at Lee's sudden statement/request to grab
a few more things from his locker to bring over.
Pleasantly surprised.
The meetup with the team that night was even better. To
see the little groups that now made up his team starting
to mix without fighting. Hell, he thought he even did a
decent job dealing with the invasion of his personal
space by first Galgo, which wasn't that surprising, and
then Luna, which *was*.
That Lee teased him. That he *smiled*, a *real*, honest
to god LEE smile, when Barney acted before he thought
and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him
close... that gave him hope.
Maybe time would fix this, if he could just keep from
being stupid... But no, it would be cowardly to let
things fix themselves. He fucking owed Lee to put in the
effort.
He'd just never had to... *deliberately* earn anyone's
trust. People either gave it to him, or didn't and he
didn't care; or at least accepted it. He couldn't accept
Lee not trusting him, talking to him; *smiling*. Maybe
he should ask Galgo what he'd done to earn *his* trust;
had to start *somewhere*.
Chapter
five
AN: And then had to slow himself as he started the
run-through of the second objective. He was *not*
fucking this up again.
"Smilee, you take your team 'round the hill and take
over that damn electronic amusement park of a carpark;
we need that escape route *clear* by the time we get
done upstairs. I'll take the side door and get the
plans; Christmas, you take-"
Lee's hand landing heavy on his shoulder and gripping it
stopped him like a shot. Lee never said a word, but
Barney still heard his voice. Hard warning that Barney
wasn't to try to get away from him. Harder nightmares of
leaving Lee in hell if he chose wrong.
There was a palpable silence in the air when he pulled
himself from his howling thoughts, but there was nothing
he was wiling to explain to the crowd. "Me and
Christmas'll get the plans; Caesar, take the others and
find that kid." He looked up, eyes blanking out anyone's
expression, content that Lee's hand was lighter on his
shoulder, trusting him to catch any arising personnel
problem that Barney would need to be warned about, "Keep
the damn noise down, and 15 minutes from go, everyone
better be in the carpark ready to roll out to the second
target. Questions?"
While he waited a couple heartbeats for any comments on
the plan, Barney focused on reimaging the op in his
head, locking Lee and Caesar in their places. Smashing
the tense voice of old habits trying to snarl that he
was putting someone, putting *Lee*, in more danger than
necessary!
And then had to slow himself as he started the
run-through of the second objective, checking every step
for more of his bad habits, and tweaking on the fly as
he found them. He was *not* fucking this up again.
Lee stayed still when he dismissed the others to go, and
when Barney turned, that hand stayed on his shoulder and
he got a small nod of approval. Very small soft smile
that only someone used to looking for the brit's
expressions would catch. It wasn't the man's old snarky
chatter and friendly digs, but it was a step in the
right direction, and he nodded back before they both
shook the moment off to get into the right mental space
and follow the team to the loaded plane.
He could do this much, anyway. He fucking *could*!
..He had to.
--
A couple weeks after that close call, Lee was still
quiet and distant; but also still at his side. One
night, in the middle of some kung fu movie the brit had
given a grunt of vote for as they channel-surfed, Barney
looked over to the half-asleep and still closed-off man
on his couch, and hit mute. "Lee?"
"Yeah?"
Barney stared another few seconds, conflicted. "Lee. I
swear. I will *never* do that again." When Lee sat up
and stared at him, he repeated, quiet and staring all
the honesty he could at one of the handful of people who
*knew* him and, he hoped to God, knew he wouldn't lie.
About anything like this. "I swear." It seemed too
simple a thing, but...
The staring match went on for several minutes until
finally, Lee nodded, some infinitesimal tension slowly
draining, first from his face, then his shoulders; until
between one heartbeat and the other, Barney found
himself blinking quickly and clenching his teeth to keep
a burn from leaking. *Lee*!
*His* Lee slouched back into the couch, the hint of a
smile starting to light his features as they still
stared at each other. And Barney wondered dazedly what
the man saw on him. Could he see the breathless relief?
The revived hope for a future worth living?
"So," Lee still watched him with that quiet smile, "I'll
wait for the morning to move on, if you don't mind."
Barney's rising peace froze, utterly uncomprehending
betrayal shocking him.
"Barney??"
Barney's eyes refocused slowly, freezing, riveting pain
still echoing through him. The hand landing on his
shoulder pulled his attention to Lee leaning over him
with a worried expression, "What the hell, Barney??"
..How could he even ask that? "Why are you.. moving on?"
It didn't feel like he had enough left to fight for for
pride to care that his voice was so faint and sickly.
Why had Lee bothered to make him try to... to *fix*
things, if he was going to leave anyway? And why the
hell was Lee still looking confused?? The man had never
misunderstood Barney like this, even the first day he'd
walked into Tool's shop!
"Why? I only forced myself into your house 'cause you
were being a fucking stubborn idiot.. if you *swear* to
me you'll never do that again," Lee shrugged; and by
then Barney had slumped back, breathing deep and calling
himself a *hell* of a fucking idiot for jumping to
conclusions he should have known Lee better than to
believe. "I trust you. I don't need to guard you if you
finally get what I was trying to get through to you."
Barney nodded understanding, pulse settling back down;
melancholy replacing the betrayal. Still had Lee. That
was what counted. It took a minute to notice the brit
hadn't moved back and was still watching with unhidden
worry.
"What... Don't you want your house back?"
Barney shrugged, the last few weeks of tension leading
him to just say things flat out that he would otherwise
never reveal without a joke to lighten them. "Not
especially, Christmas. It's.. good, having you here."
Yeah.. he'd known he'd sound like a pitiful bastard. The
truth hurt. Just not as much as fucking things up again
would.
But Lee just smiled easy, patting Barney's shoulder
before going back to his couch without so much as a
smirk for Barney's sentimentality. "It *is* good. Just
didn't think you'd want to put up with it per- for
long."
Permanently. Lee might have cut off the word, but Barney
heard it. And he wanted it, suddenly. Hadn't thought
about this being for 'a month' at all. He might have
been shocked when Lee invited himself in, but it hadn't
been a bad surprise. And he hadn't thought to wonder..
how it would end. He shrugged in answer to Lee's
unspoken question. "I'd... put up with it, with you, as
long as you'll put up with me."
"OK, then." There was a small smile twitching at Lee's
lips that Barney didn't recognize, but, hell: it was a
smile. And Lee was staying! ..Maybe.
He blinked out of his mental break when Lee turned to
him with a teasing smirk, "Gonna put the sound back on?"
Barney was relieved enough to relinquish the remote to
him. Admittedly by throwing it a little harder than
could be called a friendly pass. But they needed to stay
sharp, after all. And Lee enjoyed challenges to his
skills.
And watching him laugh for real was something he'd
hadn't realized he'd missed quite so *fucking* much...
Barney's attention on the rest of the old film was
crappy, his mind instead looping on the relief of his
world not only back, but back in order; Lee taking his
word; smiling again; the certainty that he *could*,
actually, put up with the man tagging his elbows on ops
without remotely regretting his bargain.
And then he thought about that 'permanently' that they
hadn't actually agreed on, and found himself talking
before he really thought, "You want a real bed?"
Eyes on the TV, however blankly, Barney nonetheless saw
Lee give him a glance as he answered. "Nowhere to put
it."
"Move the computer in here, plenty of room for that. You
can have the office."
He could feel Lee staring at him as the movie played,
but he had nothing to add. It had to be Lee's call to
choose to... well. What did 'permanently' mean to
someone who hadn't stayed in a single place longer than
a few months for years?
AN:
they finally appear to have decided to RST!! :D so
yeah, anyone continuing to read (thank you!), there
is more coming, probably in next few days and might
even see a 'Complete'!
Chapter
six
jan
19, 2015
AN: "We never 'snuggled' up."
Did I not say I'd fail to 'Stop staring at them and
waiting for them to get better'?
"What's the deal with them, anyway?"
Instinct made Barney stop before crossing the threshold
the next morning; Lee automatically mirroring him, a
step behind. Though the guys had left the main doors
closed, the access door had been left wide open, no
doubt to get some fresh air into the always stuffy
hangar; and the metal frame carried Mars' confused voice
perfectly.
"Tough call. Christmas isn't really back to his rowdy
self yet, even if they *do* make like they're getting
along. Just way too quietly. And.. Barney obviously
agreed to something, considering the way he's kept from
going off alone during ops. *Before* you guys showed
up... They were friends; joking and grinning with each
other enough to drive us crazy. And even if Barney runs
things.. there were days even back then that a stranger
would be excused for thinking Christmas was his partner
rather than his right-hand with the shit he'd get away
with. They'd read each other's minds until you wanted to
strangle them. About as close as you get, short of
living together."
"Lovers?"
Caesar's answer had made him smile sadly, but Barney was
left blinking at Smilee's bored add-on.
"..Dunno. They sure didn't have any personal space from
each other; though somehow... even with that weird
silence.. Christmas is almost sticking *closer*... I
don't know, man. But if they were, or are, it obviously
wasn't a regular thing, considering how often they'd get
that 'not getting enough' snarly edge to their voices."
Lee choked back laughter behind him while Barney's mouth
gapped, not sure how to take the casual discussion of
his supposed sex life.
"Maybe they just needed someone to offer some blue pills
for when things didn't rise to the occasion; can't be
easy, at their age."
Barney almost missed his catch as he started to choke
back a laugh. But 15 years in the field had given him a
knack for feeling Lee moving, so he *did* manage to grab
him with a hand over his mouth and the other arm wrapped
around his torso before the brit stormed past.
Barney manhandled his struggling, if only enough to make
a point, friend back to the truck, first biting his lip,
and then finally burying his face on Lee's shoulder
blade to silence the howling amusement that Thorn would
think, let along dare to say, such a thing; and that his
friend would take it as quite such an insult! Arms
caging a growling Lee against the driver's door for
safety, Barney gave up the fight and just stood there
laughing out loud.
When he finally chilled down, Lee was still scowling but
he'd turned around to lean back on the door, and
Barney'd ended up leaning on him weakly, the wild
laughter after weeks of tension leaving him feeling
almost stupid with release. He was still chuckling, head
practically on Lee's shoulder again as the man muttered,
his tone as insulted as you get, his hands on Barney's
belt encouraging him to stay vertical. "Fucking kid. I
do *not* need fucking Viagra."
Barney's hands tightened where they'd been resting on
Lee's ribs, unhurriedly making himself straighten,
though not stepping back yet, still smiling and feeling
loose; aware, deep down, that a chunk of his joy was
relief and pleasure at Lee's welcoming body language.
"When *you* were his age, I bet you though guys younger
even than *you* are, these days, needed it." He tapped
his head sideways against Lee's ear, ending up staying
there, too mellow to force himself back when Lee still
held his belt without complaint. "I bet you thought *I*
needed it even when we first met."
The few moments of dead silence -guilty silence, Barney
decided- that followed, made him chuckle again. He
finally had enough of the too-bright sun shinning on his
eyes and pulled back a step, smile still wide as he
wiped his face of the evidence of his little loss of
control, "I wonder if the guys *all* thought we were
fucking on the side or if it was just Caesar." Didn't
seem likely, as close as they all were, but.. the idea
that their team all assumed they were *that* intimate
was a little hard to take in. Must be even harder for
Lee, come to that, he thought, looking at his for one
thing much *younger* friend head on.
Lee's still slightly guilty look melted into a smirk,
"After the first time Toll saw me with a girl, he said
he hoped we were smart enough to use protection."
Barney looked at him warily, "We...?"
Lee's finger slowly pointed at each of them in turn,
smirk widening, loving, as usual, getting one on Barney,
"You and me, yeah. And a *few* times, Gunner threatened
me that I better, what was it, now" he pretended to
think about it as Barney stared at him, wide-eyed, "Be
*good* to you."
...Well shit. Barney knew his shock was obvious, and he
tried to shake it off when he saw some faint worry cut
the so-welcome laughter on Lee's face. "Hell. Didn't
realize they thought I needed big brothering..."
Lee relaxed at that, shrugging, "I wasn't going to
complain that people watched out for you."
Barney gave him a wry glance for the reminder of his new
rule before heading for the hangar again, "I don't need
*that* kind of looking after." Christ, another reason he
wasn't safe to be near; good thing he was used to
keeping people away already. Gunner, of all people!
When they walked through their gathered team, Barney
started chuckling again as Lee wordlessly slapped Thorn
on the back of the head with a reflective glower.
Neither of them chose to explain their behaviour to
their confused team.
--
It wasn't until they were in the air that the
conversation came back to him and he frowned, turning to
the man pouring over floor plans as Barney flew. "They
don't *still* treat you like their daughter's greaser
boyfriend, do they??"
Lee's head jerked up, eyes wide for a second before his
expression started cracking and he started shaking with
laughter.
Barney's lips twitched, the flight calm enough that he
could afford to just watch his erstwhile copilot throw
his head back on his seat; soaking up the sight of his
friend finally happy. The old gang would have come up to
share the joke by now, but obviously they were settling
for commenting in the hold with all the newcomers.
The loud guffaws eventually calmed down and Lee's bright
eyes finally turned to look at him, "I can't decide
what's harder to stop laughing at: you as anyone's
innocent daughter or me as a greaser kid."
Barney grinned back at him, "You saying you were a jock?
Lemme guess: soccer." He counted the mock-furious look
he got in return as a complete victory and grinned wider
in anticipation of the rant.
"It's FOOTBALL, you bloody savage! After all these
years, I'd think you'd have learned a few things from
me!"
The flounce into crossed arms was too much and Barney
choked on a laugh and had to cough to clear his throat,
even as the so-familiar rhythm of the words, like the
knowledge that Lee trusted him again, eased the broken
and bleeding regret that had left him aching every
waking hour since that damn rooftop conversation. The
nightmares had still been sitting at the edge of his
thoughts this morning, and he still had no idea how he
could keep Lee from following him into death when he
finally fell. But Lee trusted him and was staying at his
side. Even with their team apparently accusing him of
having tastes that had to have been a disturbing thought
as a vital thirty-something guy.
"And no, I wasn't a jock. Yes, I played football, but
only with friends." Dropping his act, Lee gave him his
quiet smile, "I was actually more like a bookworm in
those days. Most fathers would have been glad to see me
appear."
They were quiet for a while, settling back into work
mode. As Lee started pulling his plans back into
position, Barney remembered his original question had
never been answered. "So? Do they?"
Lee looked up, confused for a few seconds before he
obviously remembered. And then hesitated. The completely
uncharacteristic pause resonated with the memory of the
shit he'd only just got out of and Barney felt a trickle
of ice down his gut. Before he could gently insist on
Lee telling him, the man shrugged; uneasily, but the
look he gave Barney was calm enough. "Gunner still likes
to bluster, and it's an excuse that makes him laugh. The
others mostly stopped years ago." He quirked a wry grin,
"When you get in a mood they tend to nudge and smirk and
tell me to let you out of the doghouse, but that's about
it."
Except it wasn't. The hesitation was there still, and
Barney stared at his old friend steadily, unnerved that
Lee'd kept this all these years. Hoping like hell *he'd*
never made his friend feel pressured.
The brit finally sighed roughly, "And they gave me shit
for hurting you with Lacy."
Not having expected that, Barney couldn't help his pause
at the memory's blow, "..It was you you were hurting."
The hooded look Lee wore for the few breaths before he
shrugged and went back to his plans left Barney thinking
back to those admittedly grim days. It *had* hurt him.
Hurt to see Lee be hurt over and over by all the little
stabs that got exchanged in a dying relationship. Barney
was just glad it was Lee that finally had enough and,
after getting thoroughly drunk with the guys, had been
dropped off at Barney's to sleep it off on his couch and
then had woken up and broken it off before the end of
the day. Better for him than having her break his heart.
As much as he regretted that his lonely friend hadn't
gotten that perfect relationship young Billy had talked
about, he couldn't deny the tension that had ridden him
for the couple months Lee'd spent thinking of getting
hitched to that woman. The fist of dread that had
gradually tightened, wondering when he'd lose him.
'Cause there was never a doubt Lacy'd have made him
quit, would have taken him away from the Expendables.
From Barney.
And that...
He had to make himself stop thinking about it and kick
his brain back on the job. The past was done and he had
men to lead and keep safe, including the one that stayed
with him.
--
"SHIT!!"
Barney's hand was on his mike before Lee's smack even
landed on the metal grid, "Thorn! There's a gate in the
way!"
"What??"
Lee took up position at the bottom of the stairwell,
their only way out of the now dead-end, Barney following
step for step as he made himself wait for Thorn to come
back.
"Fuck! It's not on the system! The only way 'round that
doorway is the main floor!"
"Blow it or risk the open route??"
Barney shook his head at Lee's snarl. "Caesar. Status."
He flinched at the loud sound of automatic fire in his
ear before Caesar shouted, "Getting stiff resistance,
boss! Trying to break through but- shit! that's done it.
We're boxed in!"
"Thorn. Reroute Doc with half Smilee's team to break
Caesar out. Caesar, get that disc out and get to the
transport." He met Lee's eyes, "We'll try to meet you
there, otherwise we'll make our own way to the backup
evac point. Go!"
Lee was running up the stairs before he'd finished
speaking, and Barney followed, his attention on the
radio traffic as his team reshuffled themselves;
trusting Lee to cover him. They made it almost to the
top before they hit resistance and he took a step back
to give the kickboxer room to deal with the small party
of apparently gunless bad guys. Caesar reported himself
broken out and on their way again just before Lee
shouted his name and Barney immediately transfered his
focus here and now and forward, leaving his team to
follow his orders, and taking the steps to slide his
body and his fists between Lee and whatever had gotten
to him.
The dual short swords the Korean was whipping in the
body-strewn doorway made him hurriedly duck and slide
his riffle down from his shoulder to his hands to use as
a stick to counter the blades until he could find a way
through them, still hoping to avoid alarm-triggering
gunfire. He just about got his fingertips cut off and
was way too glad when the fellow sprouted one of Lee's
throwing knives on his forehead to bother ranting about
the brit's blade whistling through his fucking *hair* on
the way.
"You realize they know we're here??" Lee's voice was
muffled, aimed away.
"They know *someone's* here. They might even know Caesar
got something from that office. They don't know what
we're after. Or how many are here. Did you see these
guys report?" Giving his radio traffic only half his
attention, now that he was point, he kept watch on the
hallway ahead as he started pulling Lee's knives out of
the mess, keeping his gun at the ready just in case as
he waited for the touch to his back to tell him his
partner was done patching himself. Or needed Barney's
help.
"Didn't see them report, no, think they were just
techies, probably going to check the alarm system you
stepped on and refused to have Thorn shutdown. Still
think we should just blow that gate and get the job
done; they're gonna be just as suspicious after we sneak
through the halls as they would be with one more blown
gate."
"The guys are pulling their attention. We might get
through the hall quiet."
"Fucked-up job."
Barney grunted agreement as Lee slotted himself at
Barney's back. "That looked deep." He handed his
collected knives over as he 'didn't ask' the question.
"Just messy. Go."
Barney's jaw clenched but he jogged forward obediently,
hearing Lee click his mike on as he followed.
"He said to go, Caesar; he meant it! Get them moving the
fuck to your transport!"
Barney smiled grimly, pointing out to himself again why
having Lee at his side was a good thing.
When he heard faint steps ahead he sprinted for an
alcove, shoving Lee into it before joining him to watch
the guard squad trot unhurriedly by. They weren't made
yet; at least one good thing today. Probably the last
one they'd get.
--
When they finally got back in the middle of the night
from messing with the new government in Cuba, Barney was
washing his hands before getting into bed when Lee
limped in, eyes already drifting half-closed. His
presence wasn't surprising, it never took much tiredness
or pain for them to forget they weren't in the field.
The nuzzle to the back of Barney's head before he took
the two steps to the toilet to piss, *that* was
unprecedented and shocking. And Barney stayed unmoving
at the too-strong streak of fire that snaked through his
spine. ..The hell...
"Lee?"
"Um?"
Barney turned, looking away from his own wide eyes in
the mirror to meet Lee's medicated ones, and hesitated.
This was *not* the time to even be thinking about this.
He took a flinching look at the black and blue mess that
was the brit's chest after taking three shots that he
was lucky the vest had stayed whole for; knowing his
back was almost as bad. Not to mention the slice down
his right arm. Fucked-up fucking mission. "We never did
get you a mattress. You sleep on the couch in that state
you'll be paralysed tomorrow."
There was a moment's hard sharpness in the dazed eyes,
"You're no better."
Barney didn't bother looking at his own chest, knowing
perfectly well what he'd see. That they'd avoided
anything but scratches outside their vests was a fucking
miracle. "Fine. So we split the bed. You've snuggled up
to my back often enough on ops; you should be able to
sleep fine with me a whole queen-size away." He
strangled the little voice still fucking *shivering*
from that nuzzle. Their personal space *was* screwed up.
Always had been. That was probably all it was. But in
any case, Lee's condition trumped everything else. If he
wasn't so zonked himself he'd have thought about this
when they patched up earlier.
Lee's sharp gaze finally dimmed and shuttered and he
nodded, "Fine," he nudged Barney aside to wash up. "But
I never 'snuggled'."
--
Waking up the next morning, those words were the first
thing Barney's drowsy brain thought of.
Because, this time, there was no question they were
snuggling. And Barney didn't move a muscle as he
scrambled for the lucidity needed to take full stock of
the situation. The second he moved, he was 99% sure Lee
would jerk awake. Hopefully not with the blade under his
pillow ending at Barney's throat; hopefully their
proximity as they'd slept would survive waking
restrained and he'd still be recognized as a friendly.
Obviously *too* friendly, since this was Lee's side of
the bed and it was Barney wrapped around *him* like a
vine.
But if he stayed snugged here awake, he knew damn well
his morning wood was going to get a whole lot worse and
he sure as fuck didn't want to have to explain *that*
while they were laying in a bed in nothing but their
underwear.
Especially not with... that other thing from last night
floating around in his thoughts.
With that in mind, he pulled his hips back first, then
was going to start to extricate his right leg from
between Lee's. Except Lee's hand swung back to catch his
thigh, and the brit muttered, far too aware-sounding,
"Not for *my* sake."
The hell?? On the unlikely chance the man was still
asleep, Barney kept his confused response to a whisper,
trying to ignore that warm, calloused hand almost on his
ass; thank god he'd already pulled back at least a
little! "Lee?"
But Lee shook his head, albeit gently enough not to hurt
Barney's nose, pressed to his skull as he was. "Unless
*you've* got a problem with this, I'd rather you
stayed." And his other hand gently tugged Barney's right
hand to wrap the arm tighter around himself; loose
enough that Barney could easily pull out. If he wanted.
It was too fucking early after too late a night. And
Barney's instincts in *this* arena were shit.
But. Lee was relaxed. Awake. Choosing to have Barney's
hand and leg around him.
And when his own senses were overloaded or failed, Lee's
had been his backup for years, now. He'd made it through
a fucking mission deaf from a too-near explosion by
locking his peripheral vision on the brit's shape and
shadowing his every move. Had made it through a
booby-trapped and bad-guy-sprinkled labyrinth blinded
from a blow to the head with his hand on Lee's shoulder.
And in this case, Lee was *relaxed*. And holding him
close.
So *he* slowly relaxed, letting his brain kick this over
at its own pace. Lee didn't mind their snuggling. That..
wasn't as shocking as it could be. Lee'd been the one to
choose to start sleeping back to back with him a few
years ago, even if it was after catching Barney not
sleeping from cold and stiffness, so obviously he didn't
have a problem with their touching. He could accept the
man being as hard-up for friendly human contact as
Barney was. And Lee had to know he could trust Barney.
If he trusted him not to redo mistakes he'd already been
caught making... then he sure as shit had to trust him
in this. Though this *was* a bit... more intimate a
trust than most guys, himself included, gave easily. But
from Barney, Lee had never kept the distance 'most guys'
kept. Which was kind of.. *surprising*, if the guys had
been teasing him all this time...
Okay. Enough. He could actually relax and let himself
drowse here, faintly horny and all, comfortable and
warm, and maybe fall back asleep with the smell of Lee's
warm skin hazing his mind, before one of them had to get
up. Could let the feel of warm skin over healthy muscle
quiet the nightmares.
Except for that other thing.
"Lee?" He knew the man was still awake, could feel his
thumb rubbing that damn knot that never left the side of
Barney's wrist anymore, but he still kept his voice low
in the quiet of the room. The grunt he got in response
was familiar enough to make him smile even with the
unfamiliar situation. "Just how out of it were you, last
night?"
He couldn't help regretting the question when Lee
started to untangle himself. Even if the hug had been
dangerously addictive and he was setting himself up for
a bad fall to allow himself that many memories that
would need stiffling. He held still and blanked his
expression as Lee turned over, keeping his head on
Barney's arm; too close for personal space, but
otherwise no longer touching. Watching Barney curiously.
"Since when does a couple Tylenols put me out of it?"
Barney huffed, unable to help smiling with some of the
memories, "When you're tired, they always have."
Lee's eyes widened in surprise before he grinned,
"Seriously? Never noticed. What did I do that you think
was because I was stoned?"
Barney tried to smirk back, but could feel he was
failing. He'd only just gotten Lee *back*, dammit! The
last damn thing he wanted to do was open the door to
question. But he wasn't going to start this second
chance by hiding shit; he needed to know if it was just
his body overreacting to something innocent -in which
case he'd lock it down, without regret, and with the
knowledge that Lee would forgive him the odd trespass-,
or if Lee had really... actually wanted more. In which
case.. well, he'd follow his friend's lead. As long as
it didn't cost him his world, he'd deal either way, but
he needed to know what he had to do to not fuck things
up.
"..You kissed me," he tapped a couple fingers of his
trapped hand against the back of Lee's skull, "As you
walked by." He tried not to tense up as he waited for a
reaction.
Lee's grin faded into a half-familiar look like worried
curiosity. Before he could quite place when he'd seen it
before, Lee spoke, quiet and without his trademark
smirk, "Should I apologize?"
"Not unless you're sorry."
"If it bothered you, then yeah, I'm sorry."
Barney rolled his eyes, too twitchy for his usual calm
to rule, "For fuck's sake, Lee, I never said it bothered
me, I just asked if you meant it!"
And suddenly Lee relaxed, though Barney hadn't realized
he'd gotten tense in the first place, and brought a hand
up to Barney's cheek, which shocked him with the sudden
possessive intimacy, starting to smile as Barney's eyes
widened. "No. Actually, you asked if I was out of it.
Which I was, seeing as I didn't plan to kiss you," his
smiled widened, chuckling as Barney frowned, "Easy,
Barney. I hadn't planned it, but-" the smooth delivery
suddenly stalled and Barney was still trying to keep up
without jumping to conclusions when Lee shifted closer
and his hand nudged Barney's jaw down. That streak of
fire started playing in his gut this time and his eyes
closed in undeniable anticipation as Lee whispered,
voice rough, "But I've thought about it for fucking
years!"
The words had hardly started rippling through him when
his thoughts shut down, overrun by too-long-denied need
into focusing strictly on the lips touching his. Stiff
and clumsy at first, neither of them reacting fast
enough to avoid knocking noses; both too determined to
stay in even that unsatisfying contact to make the
sacrifice of shifting position. Lee's hand on Barney's
jaw finally forced them into alignment and turned
insistent, parted lips pressing hard on his even before
a determined tongue licked at the seam of his slow to
react mouth.
With a moan in his throat, Barney pulled out of his
dazed head and snapped to the reality. Ignoring the
distracting amazed glee dancing through him at the equal
lust he could feel in Lee's hungry kiss and stroking
hands, he pushed at Lee's shoulders, only remembering to
be gentle when his own chest registered a complaint at
the early morning movement of stiffened bruises. Pushed
until Lee was on his back and Barney's waist rested
between his legs, weight mostly on his elbows rather
than Lee's chest, and resisted the mouth fucking
plundering his to kiss his way along the stubble on
Lee's jaw.
Lee! Gods... THIS?? That watchful curiosity when he'd
admitted he wanted Lee to stay with him.. Had he been
looking for- For a sign from *Barney*??
Lee's hands had worked their way into his hair at some
point, and they gripped his skull, holding him still
against Lee's throat as he spoke, voice fierce in
Barney's ear, the warrior who fought at his side through
mud and blood, "Barney? You want this?"
And Barney laughed, low in his chest, and the hands
loosened, letting him continue his trail, savouring
tastes and touch, from Lee's rough throat, over the
smooth skin leading to the soft hairs on his chest.
World of new sensation for too-long starved senses. He
paused to tongue carefully at the sweat-salty hollow of
his throat, then looked up with a grin, "Fuck yes."
The grin faded as he met Lee's serious eyes, "Years. You
know you've been the keystone to my life for years."
When Lee nodded slowly, still watchful, Barney shrugged,
"Would never have risked that on what I long-ago assumed
were fuck-all odds of having *this*." Not even the words
of very real, very *life-threatening* attachment Lee'd
been giving him this last while would have ever led him
to open *this* box.
Lee rocked his hips up and Barney's breath hissed, his
eyes dropping shut at the grind of Lee's hard cock on
his own, only two thin layers of cotton between them.
"You miscalculated your odds." With another slow, hard
grind that left them both moaning, Lee whispered, "I
want you, want this. Permanently, under whatever terms
you'll take, Barney."
Barney's eyes slivered open to watch his friend, his
*lover* -by another of life's crazy twists-, "The only
terms I got is that you be fucking *happy*. I'd rather
it be with me, living with me, working with me, sleeping
with me. For however long that keeps you happy."
Later they'd- *He'd* have to find words to talk. Work,
the team, the past, the house. The future.
But right now? He felt more alive than he ever had in
his life, and the unholy joy in Lee's grin said he
wasn't alone, "In that case, maybe we'd better put in a
stock of those blue pills for when you wear me out."
Barney laughed as he let himself be rolled to his back,
grinning up at his world -truly *his*, now!-, "Feeding
you oysters and groping your ass sounds like way more
fun, Lee."
AN:
I have GOT to stop watched E3. At least while in the
middle of a story. It keeps spawning new fricking
fix-its!! Managed to sprout out another 6k pest
while fought with this last chapter -headdesk-
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