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Author: wanderingsmith
sep 2014
Summary: "Are you flirting, Barney?"
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft
enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it
be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.
"Are you flirting, Barney?"
Barney chuckled, leaning back in his comforter and
taking another sip of beer, "No, if I was flirting,
you'd know. 'Cause I'm awful at it."
Maggie grinned invitingly, "Ah. I, am *not* so awful."
A slight flinch rippled across Barney's features and he
looked regretfully at the woman he'd made no secret of
hoping to be friends, and nothing more than friends,
with, when she'd shown up to help them a second time,
"Maggie..."
Maggie immediately straightened in her seat, the
invitation dropping from her expression to be replaced
with regret of her own, "I apologize. I thought, since
you now *know* me anyway... And the guys said you were
not.. involved."
Neither said anything through a few minutes of silent
calculating stares, the only sound in the dim, silent
room from the late night traffic outside. "..I'm not."
Maggie nodded with a sad but knowing smile, "Who is
she?"
Barney shook his head at the automatic curiosity,
replying to the sad half-smile in kind, "No matter how
much people talk about 'equality', it's still always
'she'."
Maggie froze for a noticeable moment, then laughed,
saluting with her bottle, "True. Do you know what the
first thing most of my female friends complain about men
is?"
"..We can't commit?"
"That is second. First is 'they are always gay'. The
good ones that is." She raised a half-teasing,
half-curious brow, "Do you also find this?"
Barney snorted, giving her a wry stare, "In the days
when I actually *tried* to... get some, it was women I
went after. Nowadays, I'm not interested in playing
either field. But with my luck, I'm sure I'd end up
finding all the straight good ones."
Maggie watched him thoughtfully for a bit, then asked
very quietly, "And is *he* gay?"
Barney looked up from staring at the half-torn-off
wrapper on his bottle and watched her expressionlessly
before finally answering, "No." He relaxed, too
controlled to be anything but forced, shrugging with a
fake careless grin, "I'm too fucking old for him anyway,
deserves better."
Maggie nodded sadly before tilting her head, "Perhaps
you could introduce us."
The accompanying smirk said it wasn't meant seriously,
but Barney answered anyway, "If you'd hit it off, I'd
have wished like hell that you'd met a year ago. But it
doesn't seem you're each other's types."
Maggie hesitated, eyes narrowing as she thought, "We
have met? ...One of your men?"
Barney shrugged with a self-deprecating grimace, "Yeah.
Not too smart, I know."
She watched him carefully, "You have good taste in
*men*, as well." When he jerked a suspicious look at
her, she shrugged, "I assume you would rather we had met
in the past because he is now taken. Unless I was very
unobservant, only one of them is married. He is.. nice."
she grinned gently, "And very pretty."
Barney froze, then forced his jaw to unclench, "Yeah."
"You do not approve of his wife."
"She's going to break his heart. Wouldn't approve of
that for anyone. Wish you *had* hit it off."
Maggie watched him go back to staring blindly at his
empty bottle, "*He* is close."
Barney never looked up, "Yeah."
Maggie suddenly met Lee's eyes, making him twitch,
having not thought either occupants of the darkened
apartment were aware of his entry. Now she stared hard
at him and, considering what he'd just overheard, he
couldn't help feeling that she was warning him. Liking
her better than he had just a little while ago, he gave
her a nod and raised his overnight bag in an attempt at
silent explanation for his apparent eavesdropping.
He took a step back into the hallway to the door as
Maggie stood, slugging the last of her beer, "I should
go."
"Sure." Barney made to get up with her, making Lee
tense.
"I can see myself out. No need to try to find your feet
for such a foolish reason."
"If you're implying I'm drunk..."
She laughed, "Perhaps not drunk, but if you are too old
for him, then you should not volunteer to get up more
often than you must."
Snorting, Barney threw her the finger, "Get lost, Mags."
She grinned impishly, obviously taking the insult as the
sign of friendship that it was, "Good night, Barney."
Lee straightened when she came level with the hallway
corner he'd frozen in on hearing them discussing
flirting.
He'd only planned to wait and see if he should interrupt
with an insult or get his shoes back on, slip out, and
leave Barney to mess up his relationships on his own.
But then the rest of the conversation had kept him
frozen in place.
Her voice was almost soundless, which Lee figured aught
to keep Barney from hearing, half around a corner and
with traffic sounds still coming from the road, and she
overemphasized her lips enough to make it easy for him
to read, "You will not break his heart?"
He'd had a couple minutes to at least get over his shock
at what he'd heard, so he was able to respond calmly,
just as silent and clear, "No. I'm... done with her. And
no, not on the rebound; I knew what I was setting myself
up for. My pride just wouldn't let go." He heard Barney
shift behind her and watched as the man let his head
fall back on his recliner; heading toward sleep, if Lee
knew him at all. "I wouldn't break his heart."
She nodded, patted his arm with a last warning glare and
walked out.
The click of the door was loud in the silence and Lee
tried to come up with a plan. Find his balls, walk
over... kiss him? He smirked at himself: only Barney got
away with dumbass plans like that.
Still smiling, he stepped into the room, hoping not to
get a gun pointed in his face, at least.
Barney had let himself go half-asleep now that company
was gone, but hearing a footstep jerked him awake.
Before his hand could slip to the gun secreted between
the cushions, his slightly sloshed brain identified it
and he relaxed back, not particularly inclined to play
host for his old pal, "Christmas. When did you-" Oh
shit. Now he was wide awake, his voice going quiet
enough to be noticeable, "Get here."
He heard the familiar thump of the brit's travel-bag a
few feet into the room, then those light steps heading
toward the kitchen behind Barney.
"You want another beer?"
"No." His stomach was twisted into a knot as it was, and
he refused to fuck his closest friendship up because
he'd had another drink. He could fuck it up fine without
that.
He almost jumped when a familiar hand landed on one
shoulder and squeezed as a water bottle appeared over
the other, a beer bottle neck sharing the hand-grip.
Taking the offering, he slowly twisted it open as he
watched Lee take Maggie's place in the ratty old
armchair in front of his own. He was braced for..
something. Something unpleasant and painful. Something
more to regret for the rest of his sorry life.
He wasn't braced for same old down-time easy-going,
cheerful Christmas taking a slug of beer and then
meeting his eyes with a familiar laughing warning look,
"I am *not* heartbroken. You were right about her and I
knew it. My pride was being stupid. It has now bowed out
to reason. I told her to keep the apartment, it's in her
name anyway. The guy even looked like a decent sort, so
I wish 'em the best." Then he serioused up, raising a
brow with a trace of hesitation, "I was going to invite
myself to crash on your couch..."
Breathing calmly through nothing but will, Barney
briefly looked at the piece of furniture in question,
then back at his old friend, beginning to wonder if
maybe he *hadn't* heard. Maybe luck was actually on his
side, for once. "Told you long ago you're welcome to
whatever you want, Christmas."
'Not a good way to live' He knew Maggie was right about
that. And Lee was already too close to keep safe. Fuck,
he'd stepped in front of danger without anger or
adrenaline before... He faked casualness as he took a
swallow of water, "There are more comfortable places
than the couch."
Was that.. yeah, there was definitely something new to
the look in Lee's eyes. Intense like a lot of Lee's
looks. Focused, controlled, shielded...but Barney could
*swear* that was...
"You're not *that* bad at flirting."
That was.. fucking *interest*. I will be dipped in shit.
Barney refused to think what the look on his own face
had been in response for Lee to feel the need to give
him *that* gentle a smirk before putting his beer down,
getting up, and stepping to lean on the arms of Barney's
chair. "And you are *not* too fucking old for me. You
may be a slightly more broken down war horse than I am,
but I bet Maggie would agree with me that you're still
hot."
Well shit.
His reflexes took exception to 'broken down war horse'
and he had a grip on the smooth back of Lee's skull and
was settling the water bottle down before the bastard
finished the teasing, tugging -against no resistance
whatsoever; daaamn!- him down; bright eyes, stupid wide
smile and all.
"Sure you remember how to do this?" Knees landed on the
chair with the words, bracketing his thighs, and he got
both hands on Lee's ears and pulled those lips all the
way down to his.
Close enough that trying to outstare Lee made him
cross-eyed, Barney smirked, breath catching like.. like
a damn *kid*, when their lips brushed. "I even got a
plan."
The plan hadn't been to have the team's kickboxer sit
his weight on Barney's thighs, lay his forearms on the
top of the chair they were sharing ..and kiss him so
fucking soft that Barney forgot the feeling of being
caged-in; almost before he noticed it.
Fuck if he knew what he'd done to deserve this, but it
turned out he wasn't near self-sacrificing enough to say
no.
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