Blow me

Blow me

Author: wanderingsmith
Started apr 11, 2015 - latest update jan 2, 2016 -
Summary: Barney was staring at him steadily, and he distantly wondered if he had the whole time. Stared at him the way Lee'd seen him stare at Gunner a few bad times. Like he heard ticking but couldn't convince himself it was a bomb that'd blow up in his face.

remember I said there were other children of E3??
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em..

AN: Barely qualifies as Explicit.. but better safe than sorry I guess

Goto Chapter 2

-s-e-x-s-e-x-s-e-x-s-e-x- WARNING -s-e-x-s-e-x-s-e-x-s-e-x-

Chapter one
apr 11, 2015

By the time they got back stateside, the relief of Barney being alive had worn off, the firm conviction to go after Caesar's shooter had been closed; and Lee was damned if he knew where he stood, now.

Part of him was still, and always would be, Barney's friend, and was ready and willing to forget the past and just slide back in at the man's side.

A wounded, embittered part of him wasn't so ready.

Listening to the familiar footsteps coming up behind him as he automatically did his basic cleanup on the plane, the conflict between old friendship and new anger left him wanting to hit something, but otherwise unable to act.

"Come on, leave that be and have a drink."

If Barney's voice hadn't been quiet enough to show he knew things weren't straight, Lee would have snarled. As it was, he turned and took the beer offered, not-quite glaring at the battered man offering it, and they took seats opposite each other on the plane's benches.

The lack of noise from the hangar seemed to say everyone else has taken off while he did what used to be his job. Just the two of them left; the way it used to always end.

When Barney didn't try to start a conversation, Lee went back to his own mind as he chugged half the beer before slowing. What did he want? He'd spent the last month steeping the pain until it turned black, and dragged the need for Barney's presence down with it. Until he almost felt in control of the darkness instead of a victim.

He couldn't keep doing that. Did he want to come back? Fight his way back to being the second in command? Barney's right-hand? *Could* he do that? Turn off the rage and go back to being the loyal friend?

Or did he move on? This wasn't the only outfit out there. He had enough of a rep to get a place on another decent group. Or, hell. He could give it up and go private sector. Plenty of jobs a guy with his skills could get himself.

What was the use, though? No one needed him to make money. He didn't give a damn about world peace or the peace of mind of some rich fucks. His life hadn't mattered to anyone in a hell of a long time.

Why should he bother?

"Lee."

That quiet, wary voice drew his eyes up from staring at his fingers tearing the paper off his bottle. Barney was staring at him steadily, and he distantly wondered if he had the whole time. Stared at him the way Lee'd seen him stare at Gunner a few bad times. Like he heard ticking but couldn't convince himself it was a bomb that'd blow up in his face.

He felt the part that could never let Barney go start to shake. It knew as well as he did that they couldn't do this. The injury went too deep and lasted too long. Scar tissue had formed with everything in a bad place.

Fuck it. Time to cut and run. Give Barney something to be angry about so *he'd* have a chance to make it; and cut the limb.

"Blow me." Stupid words to pick. Out of the list of things he'd actually managed to stop himself from spouting over the years of their friendship; resisted the temptation to see the man's hillarious disbelief at aimed at Lee. Words that should have been said with a leer and a grin. Not with this harsh command.

"What?"

Lee'd hoped that'd have at least shock to it. Then he'd know anger would eventually come. But that dead-calm voice.. he wondered what he'd see if the light was better and he could read Barney's eyes. Wondered if he'd be lucky enough to see anger leashed there... or if it'd be desperation that'd be locked in place.

Fuck, he *hated* this! How the FUCK could Barney do this to them?? To HIM!

"Frankly, I keep wanting to punch you, Barney. No idea if doing it would knock enough sense in you to make the urge go away, but it's *that*," he spread his legs, making like he was slouching back, even while glaring 'stop being a stupid fuck and just get angry' at Barney, "Or blow me," he forced his mouth into a sneer, "Might at least forgive you for being a stupid fuck, then." He wished he *could* bring himself to punch the man. Or believed Barney'd punch *him* for the sexual harassment.

Barney just watched him with the same calm look from before for less than a second before getting up and taking the step between them; and dropping down. Jesus fucking Christ, no!

Twisted arousal and agony at the situation ripped though him and Lee grabbed Barney's chin before his hands touched Lee's zipper, shuddering and hating himself for it, and hating Barney for putting violence between them, his voice grating harshly, "Why?" Fuckfuckfuck FUCK! NOT the plan! Goddammit Barney, can't you even fucking follow a plan you DIDN'T make?!

Barney looked away from his glare and stared at his waistband, though Lee didn't think he saw anything real. "Because.. I'd rather remember this than-"

Than the last time they'd said goodbye, Lee figured in the screaming silence.

He just about broke at that; but *HELL* if his pride would let him. He had the short rest of his life to regret everything he was losing. He wasn't starting now. If Barney'd actually rather suck his fucking cock than get a punch to add to his collection... Fuck. Fuck if Lee cared! Goddamned moron. He had to swallow the acid trying to choke him before he could grate out, "Fine. Get on with it then." May as well poison his dreams along with his memories; why the hell not??

The bravado didn't stop him catching his breath when roughened fingers worked him out of the slit in his boxers. Didn't stop him whimpering at hot wet heat and suction on his cockhead that had him stiffening fast, the danger and adrenaline overcoming the pain that should have kept him soft. He really hadn't believed daydreams of Barney having him on his figurative knees in a few minutes could be real; how the hell could he be good at *this*? He didn't let himself think after that; closed his eyes and forced his focus on the physical pleasure and on keeping pleading from passing his lips. This wasn't real! Barney would *never*- Never *those* lips that'd- No!

All those things he didn't think about were still there though, and it hardly took any time at all before he forgot himself and curled his fingers in dirty hair to hold that mouth. Right. Fucking. *There*!

He wasn't sure, but he thought he might have heard, or maybe 'felt', another moan as he lost his grip on his voice.

The pleasure was still warm in his veins and he didn't think at all as the lips pulled back in his slackened grip. He just slid both his hands back deep in the crusty hair and pushed/followed the unresisting body to the deck's gridding, not quite sure what the hell he was doing.

Only to flinch when their chests met, "OUCH! Fuuuuuck!" He froze, moaning, hands jerking roughly down to the deck to hold himself, knowing curling up wouldn't help any more than grabbing his side would.

"Lee??" The hands that reached for his waistband were careful in spite of the leashed fear in the voice.

Lee felt his face twisted in a grimace, making himself shakily breathe the pain out, "Big fucker got me in the ribs-"

Before he'd finished speaking Barney had somehow carefully flipped and laid him on the deck and was gently checking each rib through his shirt, years of experience in those fingertips. And Lee shut up, even though he was pretty damn positive he'd have known by now if anything was dangerously broken. He knew better than to argue with Barney over this shit; the man would check whether Lee fought him and hurt himself or whether he lay quiet. He stared at the top of Barney's head blankly, waiting for- He tried not to jerk, but failed miserably, "Shit!"

"Feels cracked."

"No kidding."

Barney was already up and offering a hand, "But not out of alignment. Come on. Shower and tape."

That he followed the familiar help up with wordlessly doing up Lee's zipper was surreal as all hell.

--

Somehow, after getting off in the man's mouth, it didn't really register to Lee at first that they were both getting undressed to get in the hangar's only shower as though this was the field. Obviously they'd stepped into the Twilight Zone, at some point; what was company in even a small shower, in that context? Maybe he was already dead and this was.. heaven? No, he wasn't heading there. Some complicated scenario of hell, then. Who cared. He'd ride it as long as it lasted.

When Barney turned from setting the water temperature, Lee curved a hand to the back of the man's head to pull him in for that interrupted attempted kiss, only to watch him flinch and outright shudder in pain. "What??"

"Hit the back of my head on the ground."

Lee turned him around and gently worked the hair out of his way. And swore under his breath at the ugly gash filled with unidentifiable dirt evident in the room's too-bright light, "That ground wasn't flat. And it should have been cleaned with the rest of your cuts before we left, you damn moron." The worry in his voice was old and familiar, the name-calling long-since acknowledged to be more endearment than insult; as automatic as breathing. "Come on, shower."

It was a sad statement to his willpower that he couldn't resist Barney even long enough to have him fucking shower alone. 'Forgive you'. What a load of bullshit; they both knew he couldn't hold a grudge against Barney. Forgiveness wasn't the point. This was prolonging agony and nothing else.

When Barney closed the glass door behind them and turned, Lee was already ready, soap in hand, and Barney's breath hissed, looking at Lee's chest, "Shit Lee, you're black and blue."

Like he needed reminding. "I know. Come on, get the back of your thick head under the water and let me clean that mess up." It hurt some piece of him he refused to pay attention to when Barney turned around obediently. Hurt even more to see that mess of raw flesh getting sluiced in water. But if he didn't clean it... sure as fuck no one else would. Already bad enough he hadn't insisted on checking Barney before the long flight home while Doc got everyone else. Should have made Doc take care of Barney too. "This is gonna hurt."

"No shit." That unhappy growl knew what was coming as well as Lee did.

Working under the running water, Lee squinted to try to get every bit of foreign shit out and get soap into every nook and cranny. Even though Barney stood quiet and only shuddered a few times, Lee's jaw still ached from being clenched. Christ he hated having to do this!

Maybe if he told himself that enough times he'd count himself lucky to have escaped the hassle.

Finally figuring it was as good as it'd get, Lee soaped up Barney's filthy hair and made him rinse before stepping to the side. "Step away from the water for a couple minutes so soap can do its thing." When Barney turned, Lee re-soaped the hair in case there were any small cuts hidden under it and then packed the wound in as much soap as he could before distractedly soaping Barney's back. "Pretty black and blue yourself." When the hell would the man stop throwing himself in stupid situations alone?? The two of them together at least- STOP it, Lee!! Done, remember?? Even the score, let him tape you, and...

"Yeah."

He felt Barney catch his breath when Lee watched, conflicted but determined, as his hands dragged the soap down past scratches left by Barney's waistband, sliding slowly over the soft skin of his ass. There was no complaint to the fondling, only their breathing and the water mist and he made himself stop and push at Barney's shoulders until his back was to the wall. He didn't try to read his face; this wasn't romance, dammit!

Fair was fair, and forgiveness was no excuse for his earlier demands; if he wasn't so fucked-up he'd have stopped it when it didn't get Barney angry. He just put a hand behind Barney's head to cushion that wound and reached for Barney's cock, plan locked in his head as he leaned in to catch his lips.

Except that Barney grabbed his hand at the last second, "I can't do this."

Lee froze, wave of cold shame stabbing through him until Barney's voice got more urgent, "I can't let you *go*. Not again. I can't..."

And Lee breathed, even as a different hurt slicked through, anguish cracking his voice, "Don't know what to do, Barney." Bit of cold-blooded sex didn't fix the broken faith.

Barney's head lowered instants before his knees dropped him to the vinyl floor with a tired slump. "Don't know what to do, either, Lee."

Lee hesitated for a few heartbeats, looking at that dejectedly bent head and fighting the burning need to tease and reassure and just fucking make it all better... He finally took a deep breath and lowered himself damned carefully to face him.

And Barney looked at him with misery in his eyes, "Don't- ..can't do this without you."

"Can't trust you." Watching Barney flinch and seem to crumble on himself made *Lee* flinch. But it was the truth.

They sat on their heels like that for long minutes, not looking at each other, the small space filling with steam from the hot water, until Barney spoke, voice still dull, hopeless. "I'll..put it in writing... The Expendables: yours as much as mine. Then I can't... "

Lee had jerked his eyes up halfway through the words, shocked, his mouth responding on automatic as he tried to process, "Be a stupid fuck?"

Barney nodded dully as Lee continued to stare. The idea was too.. weird to contemplate, off the bat like that.

His mind and eyes wandered instead. The Expendables. Equal say. The two of them, naked in the shower. Barney lips swollen from blowing him.

Equal say. "No." Barney hadn't straightened from his last hunch; he couldn't shrink more. But Lee still felt him pulling away and spoke up, wondering where he found the anchor to feel steady, all of a sudden, staring hard at the war-worn man across from him, "Not just the Expendables." And Barney's head flew up, recognizing the offer of a path, "You and me. No more letting you go home alone with injuries and hoping you manage to take care of yourself. No more watching you hold yourself apart alone. If you can't stand to hang with the guys for some reason.. you still have to put up with me."

He saw the automatic resistance to the idea, but Barney wasn't stupid. And Lee was glaring hard enough to be clear he wasn't negotiating. This had never just been a job to him. Authority was useful, but he fucking needed to know Barney was safe, and he no longer had any trust in the man's self-preservation. And no willingness left to swallow his feelings and let it ride. His faith wasn't fixed. He just... couldn't really resist Barney enough to refuse if this actually mattered enough to him to offer to share the Expendables.

It only took a few heartbeats for Barney to give him a close relative of his wry smile, his eyes almost their usual. Almost. There was still fear not quite hiding in them. "Agreed. Were you just annoyed, before? Or do I get to know you're not alone at night either?"

And Lee kept his eyes above Barney's neck at the mental pictures that that suddenly brought up, and tried to keep himself steady, "I forced the issue before... next step's your call."

He saw Barney relax some more and could feel exhilaration start at the back of his mind. It was possible the relief was that Lee wouldn't force it.. but his gut said otherwise. Why the fuck this was the first his gut had mentioned wanting them to be lovers as more than one of those random thought things... was a different question.

"You want to stick to business papers and sex? Or go the whole nine yards and get married? Even if no one around here'll recognize it."

Lee's mouth dropped, "Mar..ried.." He stared at the man who just smirk a bit at his shocked reaction, the expression so much easier to take than that completely *wrong* hopelessness. Married?? To...Barney??

That was... crazy?

Crazier than tackling him to the floor to jerk him off? Crazier than Lee's name on the Expendables' ownership?

"My n-.." he hesitated, hard reality not letting him be an idiot, "My initials, in old Celtic, some weird knot-script only we can read 'cause we know what it is; on your skin."

He *saw* Barney take that in. Saw fire, a *good* fire, come to life in his eyes, "Deal. Mine on yours. Fancy roman script's just as practically unreadable."

And he could see it. Swirly curly shit over the blood vessel junction of his right wrist. Scrawled over his lifeblood like Barney, himself, was. There for him to see every time he used his hand. "Deal. Do I get to kiss you now?" Though Barney'd have to do the moving, 'cause his chest was definitely indicating its displeasure with Lee's dismissal of its feelings for so long.

--

"You boys sure you want to do this now? Should go home and take something for those ribs..." Part of Tool was downright ecstatic for the two of them; glad to finally see them taking a step forward. But the same eye that warned him when someone showed up wanting ink while still in the middle of unthinking reaction to pain was telling him things were still raw between the two men. Fear and dismay still tugging at Barney. Hurt and anger still stiffening Christmas' usually easy features. He should make them go home and come back in three days the way city hall would if the world was different.

But when Christmas looked him in the eye, Tool could see he was calm. Maybe not sure of his footing; but determined. "We're sure, Tool. I can wait for the painkillers." And Barney nodded, quieter than usual, but as solid. His stance at Christmas' shoulder as immovable as he always was. When he didn't turn his back on all his friends in one fell swoop.

Hell. Neither of them were drunk, neither of them was over-agitated. They were stubborn fools and they'd just managed to rebound from a fight enough to pull through a suicide mission. And fuck if Tool was going to ignore the fact that everyone who knew them knew they'd been heading for something like this for entirely too many fucking years.

"Alright then. Flowy roman script of BR and Celtic knot-script of LC. Go make him something to eat upstairs, Barney, and gimme a few minutes to get some mojo going."

--

There were cups of coffee around them as Tool puffed contentedly at his pipe, Christmas' wrist in front of him, black curls slowly growing on it.

Barney was standing at the brit's side with an arm around him to take some of the strain from his ribs, the two of them staring at each other with a world of challenge.. and a few other feelings.

Tool smirked a bit to himself in the thick silence, "I feel like a priest."

The two snorted at him, though Christmas followed it with a wince that had Barney wrapping himself more protectively around him, and Tool just shook his head, finding it hard to conceive of how long it'd taken them to get to this point.

When Tool was done with him and Lee pulled his wrist back, Barney silently helped him stand, staring at the swirls on the man's wrist where he could just barely decipher a 'B' and an 'R', if he really focused.

"Alright then." Barney stepped away from Lee as Tool finished cleaning up and looked at them, "Where am I drawing this fancy knot, Barney? And you better not think I'm going to do it in pieces, this time."

Barney rolled his eyes at his friend for the old dig, but then looked the question at Lee. He'd thought about it on the drive over, but he just wasn't sure. And it'd been Lee's idea, initially. "Over the heart'd be pretty appropriate." Practically sappy, really. But then so was doing *this* at all.

Lee gave him a small but real smile that was good to see aimed at him after the terrifying and growing distance he'd seen in the hangar, "It would be." But then his eyes narrowed and Barney frowned in worry as the brit covered the distance between them to growl low, "But we both know damn well that sooner rather than later," his freshly tattooed right hand grabbed Barney's and raised the blank, half covered with leather wrist in front of Barney's eyes, Lee's glaring features behind, "I'm going to need to shove this in your face and say 'You fucking promised me, Barney'."

Hell. Barney didn't look away. He couldn't. Couldn't deny the accusation and knew too fucking well he'd end up causing Lee all kinds of grief in the years to come. But he couldn't let him go. Didn't want to contemplate how utterly empty his life had felt without him.

"Boy knows you well. I vote he get the means to keep you in line."

Silently grimacing in agreement, Barney turned his hand in Lee's grip until he was cupping the brit's messed-up knuckles. Stared again at his initials on Lee's skin, glowing red with his blood. And lowered his head to press a kiss to the side of the fresh injury, just clear of the temporary plastic bandage. "You have my word. You have my name." All that I am, I give to you; just never leave me.

AN: the fonts I used:
http://www.fontspace.com/west-wind-fonts/celtic-eels
http://www.fontspace.com/m%C3%A5ns-greb%C3%A4ck/beaked-tyrant-personal-use

Chapter two: First test
jan 2, 2016

"We are NOT taking this job!"

Barney's hands waved calmingly at the snarling man leaning on the table over the plans, "Christmas-"

"No; absolutely not!"

"It's a few easy days' work, good pay, good-"

"Fuck no," Lee stalked over into Barney's space, glaring, and when Barney opened his mouth again, Lee reached down, grabbed his right hand and jerked the wrist between their faces, shouting, "You fucking promised me, Barney!"

Barney's mouth snapped shut as his face paled, eyes staring into Lee's with sudden realisation, "Lee.."

"It took Tool a fucking MONTH to find you on that floating fucking rust-bucket, last time! I know you like working your brain on these damn puzzles but I'm not dealing with that again. We don't have the goddamn resources to risk the kind of double and triple dealing these damn job attract!"

The hangar was silent except for their heavy breathing for a few seconds, until Barney reached his free hand out to pull Lee's sleeve down, leaning in to press a slow kiss the exposed marks before looking up at Lee to husk worriedly, "You have my word; you have my name. I'm sorry, Lee."

The look held for too many heartbeats before Lee finally took a deep breath and his face relaxed, turning his hand so they clasped palms. "Just quit fucking trying to kill yourself, Barney. You got people who want you around. Even if that probably makes us certifiable."

"I know."

He pulled their hands to his lips to kiss Barney's knuckles, "You and me, Barney. Not alone."

He almost thought he saw a shine flash in Barney's eyes before he whispered back, "..You and me."

AN: caused by convo with gadhar about Escape Plan http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1211956/?ref_=nv_sr_2

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